Band 4.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 4.5 · Cambridge IELTS 21 · 2026-10-31

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

Some people argue that primary schools focus too much on formal learning.

To what extent do you agree with this opinion?

How important do you think it is for children to play as well as learn in the primary school classroom?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Student answer (Band 4.5)

Some people believe that primary school emphasise too much on formal learning. I firmly concur that focusing to much on lecture and classes could improve children's understaning on difficult academic topics. However, play can not be neglected both formal studies and play is necessary for the growth of the children.

Initially, children having good academic knowledge with basic game skills help them to overcome serious problem in the future. They learn facts and information through books and lectures, but situation tollerance skill is developed by real indurance and exposer to the field, which can be only learn from the sports or games. A person in my society has great achievments on subjective topics, but fewer on play or sports. However, he was unable to find a suitable job for him because of the lack of probelm solving skills, which comes from playing games.

Secondly,

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 4.0

Your position is partly clear: you say you “firmly concur” that formal learning is overemphasised, while also stating that play cannot be neglected. You offer a relevant example about someone with academic strengths but weaker problem-solving skills. However, the response addresses the task only partially: it does not explain how important classroom play is in comparison with learning, and the second body paragraph is unfinished after “Secondly,”. The example is asserted rather than explained, so the link between games and employability remains unclear. The response is also below the required 250 words, leaving the argument substantially incomplete. Develop both answers directly, explain your example, and finish with a conclusion that restates your position.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 4.5

There is a basic attempt to organise the response: an opening paragraph is followed by a paragraph beginning “Initially,” and you use “However” to signal contrast. These markers help the reader identify some relationships between ideas. Nevertheless, the overall progression is incomplete, particularly because “Secondly,” introduces no further point and there is no conclusion. Connections within the first body paragraph are also difficult to follow: the shift from academic knowledge to “situation tollerance skill” and then to the job example is not fully explained. Plan a complete sequence of paragraphs, with each paragraph focused on one main idea, and use clear linking sentences to show how examples support your argument.

Lexical Resource: Band 5.0

You attempt some topic-related vocabulary, including “formal learning,” “academic topics,” “problem solving skills,” and “achievements.” This gives the response a basic range relevant to education and children’s development. However, the vocabulary is limited and several spelling or word-choice errors make parts harder to understand, such as “understaning,” “tollerance,” “indurance,” and “exposer.” Some combinations are also unnatural, including “situation tollerance skill” and “achievments on subjective topics.” Choose more precise, familiar expressions and check spelling carefully. For example, you could describe “coping with real-life situations” and “academic subjects,” then explain these ideas with specific examples.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 5.0

You use some simple sentences and attempt longer structures, such as “They learn facts and information through books and lectures, but situation tollerance skill is developed…” This shows an effort to connect contrasting ideas. However, the range is limited, and errors occur in sentence structure and agreement. In “primary school emphasise,” the subject and verb do not agree; “focusing to much … could improve” also does not clearly express the intended position. The sentence “both formal studies and play is necessary” needs a plural verb and clearer punctuation. Practise building accurate complex sentences with clauses such as “Although formal lessons are important, play also helps children develop…” and proofread agreement and sentence boundaries.

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