Band 4.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 4.5 · Cambridge IELTS 21 · 2026-11-01

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

Some people argue that primary schools focus too much on formal learning.

To what extent do you agree with this opinion?

How important do you think it is for children to play as well as learn in the primary school classroom?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Student answer (Band 4.5)

Nowadays, few people argue that primary schools focus many on formal learning and other people are giving their opinion in can kids play as well as learn in the primary school classroom.

Firstly, the going back to the old school learning that included both the games as well as book learnging howevere as per current school format are not physic instend of digital program. This is because of the new traditional of study pattern are more digital classroom as they are using paperless work. its will very easy or enhance to access in all the study material as we can save the time. As the new technology in the classroom. As the result, the modern class-room are helping to student to learn about the new digital pattern. thus a digital pattern are help to gain the knowledge in advance or enhance they activites.

Secondly, the physical activites are also important in they regular life. This is because like a sport, region games, outdoor and indoor games are also the part of the physical activities. As the kids are also will get a help into their growth. For instance, children will develop their mind or will be the activities and keep the body fit for other regular activities. The clearly shows that playing and keep the body physical activited are help the children to grow there mental health and physical fit.

In conclusion, the digital study are aslo import but not that extend so children can't able to be activted and keep their metal health fit.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 4.0

The response touches on both formal learning and play, and the second body paragraph gives relevant reasons for physical activity, including children’s growth and fitness. However, the position is not clearly stated or consistently developed: the introduction is difficult to interpret, and the conclusion only briefly says digital study is important but should not prevent activity. The discussion of formal learning focuses mainly on digital classrooms and paperless materials, which does not directly explain whether schools place too much emphasis on formal learning. The example is general rather than specific, and several claims are unclear. The response is also five words below the required minimum; the ten words copied from the task prompt were not counted. Develop a direct opinion and support both parts of the question with clearer reasons and examples.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 4.5

There is a basic essay shape, with an introduction, two body paragraphs signalled by “Firstly” and “Secondly,” and a conclusion. The paragraphs also broadly separate digital learning from physical activity. However, progression within paragraphs is difficult to follow: the first body paragraph moves from older schooling to digital materials without clearly connecting these ideas to the question. Linking phrases such as “This is because,” “As the result,” and “thus” are repeated or used where the relationship between ideas is unclear. Some sentences are fragments, including “As the new technology in the classroom.” The conclusion does not clearly draw together the argument. Use topic sentences that state each paragraph’s main point, then connect each explanation and example explicitly.

Lexical Resource: Band 4.5

The response uses some relevant topic vocabulary, including “formal learning,” “digital classroom,” “physical activities,” “outdoor and indoor games,” and “mental health.” This gives the reader a general sense of the subject. However, vocabulary is often basic, repetitive, or inaccurately combined, which sometimes strains understanding. Examples include “focus many on formal learning,” “new traditional of study pattern,” and “keep the body physical activited.” Spelling and word-form errors such as “learnging,” “activites,” and “metal” also reduce clarity. Aim for precise, natural collocations and check spelling carefully. For instance, describe a “greater emphasis on academic instruction,” “traditional teaching methods,” and the benefits of “physical activity” rather than repeating broad or unclear phrases.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 4.5

The writer attempts to form longer sentences and use clauses with “because,” “as,” and “for instance,” but control is inconsistent, and many sentences contain errors that make the intended meaning difficult to follow. For example, “few people argue that primary schools focus many on formal learning” has an unclear clause structure, while “the modern class-room are helping to student” shows problems with agreement and sentence construction. Articles, verb forms, and plural forms are also unreliable, as in “the physical activites are also important in they regular life.” Sentence fragments, including “As the new technology in the classroom,” further affect accuracy. Practise building clear subject–verb sentences first, then add subordinate clauses, checking agreement, articles, and punctuation.

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