Band 4.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 4.5 · Cambridge IELTS 21 · 2026-11-03

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

Some people argue that primary schools focus too much on formal learning.

To what extent do you agree with this opinion?

How important do you think it is for children to play as well as learn in the primary school classroom?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Student answer (Band 4.5)

some people argue that children formal learning stage in primary schools.In childhood first learning stage is primary school,they go to school to build there knowledge and foundation there studying.

In my opinion,primary school is a first step to learn formal and foundation study build there all over activity,also i agree that primary schools focus too much on formal learning.

When we was younger our first school is primary school.In that school teachers learn a foundation word by word each of the subjact.The teachers are easyly mixed in children and learn there each of every thing,for example when i was younger my first school is primary school,in that day i don't know about any thing my teachers came and they are just teach a word by word and there are so softly treat me from each of word and also they are emotionaly attached like my mother.They are learn basic and grow foundation in each of subject and also help to learing all over thing.

In childhood to now adulthood,they are learing and focus on studing form of each subject,for example primary schools foucs too much formal learning that why we are in that stage to build our knowldge growth and learning skill build in adulthood right now we are just a good quality of studants for the focus too much in the formal learing in primary school.At that moment we undarstand how to improvment and over all one point that primary schools fouch too much on formal learning.In all over the World childreen first and fundation schools are primary schools,for example in America childreen first time school in a primary school and they are learn new thing and buil up to there education life and also build there good human persons.

In conclusion primary schools are learing about how to build a good person and good education also a build a foundation study each word by word. That school help each of studants carear start and fouch to next steps.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 4.0

You state a position—“I agree that primary schools focus too much on formal learning”—and discuss primary education as a foundation for later study. However, the response only minimally addresses the full task. Most of the examples describe teachers teaching basic subjects and the value of formal learning, rather than explaining why there is too much of it or giving a developed view on how important classroom play is. The second question is therefore largely unanswered. Personal memories, such as teachers treating you gently, are relevant starting points, but the essay does not connect them clearly to the benefits of balancing play and learning. To strengthen the response, explain your degree of agreement and develop specific reasons and examples about play, such as how games support social skills or understanding.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 4.5

The response has an opening, several body paragraphs and a conclusion, and it returns to the topic of primary education throughout. This gives it some basic organisation. However, progression is difficult to follow because ideas are repeated rather than developed: the claim that primary schools focus too much on formal learning appears several times, while the discussion does not move clearly to the question of play. Linking expressions such as “for example,” “also” and “in conclusion” are used, but they do not consistently show the relationship between ideas. Some references, including “they” and “that school,” are unclear. Organise the essay around distinct points—your position, the value of formal learning, and the role of play—and use clear topic sentences and references.

Lexical Resource: Band 4.5

You use a basic set of topic-related words, including “primary school,” “teachers,” “foundation,” “subject” and “education,” so the general subject is usually recognisable. However, vocabulary is repetitive and often imprecise, which can strain the reader’s effort to understand the intended meaning. For instance, “build there knowledge,” “all over activity” and “good human persons” do not express the ideas naturally, and “formal learning” is repeated without more specific terms for classroom activities or play. Spelling and word-form errors such as “subjact,” “learing” and “studants” also reduce clarity. Build a more precise range around the task—for example, terms for practical activities, social development and academic instruction—and check spelling and collocations.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 4.5

The writing relies mainly on simple statements and shows limited control of sentence structure. Errors occur frequently in verb forms, agreement, articles and sentence boundaries, and some make the meaning difficult to follow. Examples include “When we was younger,” “our first school is primary school,” and “they are just teach a word by word.” Several sentences run together without appropriate punctuation, particularly the long personal example beginning “for example when i was younger.” There are attempts to connect clauses with “and” and “that why,” but these do not yet form consistently controlled complex sentences. Practise accurate simple sentence patterns first, then add subordinate clauses; check past-tense consistency, subject–verb agreement, articles and full stops.

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