Band 5.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 5.5 · Cambridge IELTS 21 · 2026-11-04

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

Some people argue that primary schools focus too much on formal learning.

To what extent do you agree with this opinion?

How important do you think it is for children to play as well as learn in the primary school classroom?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Student answer (Band 5.5)

Some people believe that primary schools excesively focus to much on acadamic education. I strongly agree with the view because recreational activities play a vital role as formal education do. Recreational activities helps children to keep them physically fit and healthy and also mentally fresh and creative.

I strongly agree with the view, because it has several reasons. Firstly, parents judge their childrens on the basis of their grades moreover they think that marksheet shows their children brillience. For instance, my younger brother recently got lower marks in class and my parents were so angry at him. Secondly, teachers also focus on formal education the reason is that getting higher marks can attract more student to get admission in their institution. Hadaf college in my hometown mardan strickly emphasize the rote learning and acadamic education so that their student get position on district level in this way they can attract more students for taking admission in their college.

On the other hand, from my perspective recreational activities are also more important as formal education do. participation in diferent sports activities of students can keep them physically fit and mentally active, fresh and creative. For example, a recent study in mardan shows that recreational activities help children to be fresh and creative and more productive than those who do not participat in any physical sports.

Consequently, there are some factores becuase of which primary schools excesively emphasize on traditional acadamic education. However, recreational activities like footbal, cricket etc are also that much important and these activities help them to keep their mind fresh and productive.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 6.0

Your position is clear: you strongly agree that primary schools give too much attention to formal learning, and you explain why play matters by linking it to children’s physical health and creativity. You address both parts of the prompt, using examples about your brother, Hadaf College and a local study. However, the discussion of why schools prioritise formal learning is more developed than the explanation of how play should be incorporated into primary classrooms. The examples about parents’ reactions and a college’s reputation also relate more broadly to education than specifically to primary schools. To strengthen the response, explain how classroom play supports learning and give a concrete primary-school example, such as using games to teach a subject.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 5.5

The response has a recognisable structure: an introduction, a paragraph explaining the emphasis on grades, a paragraph supporting recreational activities, and a conclusion. Sequencing words such as “Firstly,” “Secondly,” and “On the other hand” help signal the direction of the discussion. However, the progression is sometimes mechanical, and the relationship between ideas is not always clear. For example, “parents judge their childrens on the basis of their grades moreover they think…” joins two points without clear punctuation or a suitable linking structure. The conclusion repeats the main claims rather than drawing them together. Use clearer sentence boundaries, vary linking methods, and make each paragraph develop one central point in a more connected way.

Lexical Resource: Band 5.5

You use relevant vocabulary for the topic, including “formal education,” “recreational activities,” “rote learning,” and “physically fit.” These choices help communicate your main ideas, and you attempt some less common expressions such as “emphasize” and “productive.” However, spelling errors and imprecise or repetitive wording are noticeable, including “excesively,” “acadamic,” “brillience,” and repeated use of “fresh and creative.” Some combinations are also unnatural, such as “focus to much on” and “as formal education do.” Aim for accurate spelling and more natural collocations, and choose precise terms rather than repeating the same benefits. This would make your argument clearer and more fluent without changing its meaning.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 5.0

You attempt both simple and more complex sentences, including a reason clause in “the reason is that getting higher marks can attract more student” and a comparison beginning “those who do not…”. However, control of sentence structure and agreement is inconsistent. For example, “Recreational activities helps” needs a plural verb, while “their student get position” has problems with number and article use. The opening sentence also has an unclear construction: “primary schools… focus to much on academic education.” Punctuation is sometimes missing where ideas are joined, as in the sentence about parents and marksheets. Practise building accurate complex sentences, checking subject–verb agreement, articles and plurals, and separating independent clauses with appropriate punctuation.

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