Band 6.0 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 6.0 · Cambridge IELTS 21 · 2026-11-04

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

Some people argue that primary schools focus too much on formal learning.

To what extent do you agree with this opinion?

How important do you think it is for children to play as well as learn in the primary school classroom?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Student answer (Band 6.0)

It is a widely debated topic that primary schools concentrates more on the formal education. Although discipline and well-manered surronding helps students to learn better, I strongly believe that learning with physical activity is also vital for childern's physical and mental well-being.

One of major advantage is when child learn to do something playfully, he tends to understand that thing better. While learning in concentrated environment help you to be more focused, long term concentration slows the learning process. For instance, when child takes breaks between learning and play with their friends, it helps them to divert their minds and also they learned how to do things parrallely. As a result when the child comes back to study again he will be more focused because his brain is trained that way.

Furthermore, physical activities are also equally crucial because child is his growing phase. We grew up listening the quote "Health body has healthy mind", so during playing child not only do physical activity but he learns how to make friends, Additionally playing also improves focus and mental well being. For example, in fifth standard i was more focused on my learning and getting good marks so i didn't care about my health. While I achieve good marks in first term, my health decline drastically reaching final exam. I got mid level marks after getting high grade throughout classes. As a result, I was deperessed.

To sum up, learing is equally important as playing as you learn multiple new things while learing. Playing also helps you to engage with other students and it also makes you mentally more present. Although formal learing is good for short period of time, I strongly believe we can't deny the fact the playing is also crucial.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 6.5

Your position is clear: you support combining formal learning with play, and you address both the value of playful learning and children’s physical and mental well-being. The examples about taking breaks and your own experience in fifth standard make the response relevant. This meets the task well overall, but the two main ideas are not developed equally: the first example explains improved focus, while the personal example mainly describes declining health and marks without showing in detail how classroom play would have helped. The claim that long-term concentration slows learning also needs explanation or qualification. To strengthen the response, connect each example more explicitly to classroom practice and explain how much you agree that schools currently overemphasise formal learning.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 6.5

The response has a clear overall structure: an introduction states your view, two body paragraphs present reasons, and the conclusion restates your position. Linking expressions such as “Furthermore,” “For instance,” and “To sum up” help readers follow the main stages. However, some connections are mechanical or unclear. In the first body paragraph, the shift from breaks and play to learning “how to do things parallelly” is not fully explained. The personal example also moves quickly from high marks to declining health and then to feeling depressed, so the relationship between these points could be clearer. Use topic sentences that identify each paragraph’s central claim, and make pronouns such as “it” refer unmistakably to a specific idea.

Lexical Resource: Band 5.5

You use enough vocabulary to discuss education, health and children, including phrases such as “physical and mental well-being,” “concentrated environment,” and “divert their minds.” These choices show an attempt to express ideas beyond basic statements. However, spelling errors and inaccurate or unnatural word combinations are noticeable, for example “well-manered surronding,” “parrallely,” and “Health body has healthy mind.” Some repetition of “learning,” “playing” and “child” also limits flexibility. Aim to learn common collocations as complete phrases and check spelling carefully. More precise wording would make your meaning clearer and help you express distinctions between formal instruction, active learning and recreation.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 5.5

You attempt a mix of simple and complex sentences, including clauses beginning with “Although,” “While” and “because,” and most of your main ideas remain understandable. However, errors in agreement, articles, verb forms and sentence construction occur across the response. For example, “primary schools concentrates” has a subject–verb agreement problem, while “when child learn” and “he tends” do not maintain consistent number. In “While I achieve good marks … my health decline,” the tense shifts incorrectly when describing a past experience. Some sentences also join several ideas without clear punctuation, particularly in the paragraph about physical activity. Practise checking each sentence for a clear subject and verb, consistent tense, and appropriate articles before adding more complex clauses.

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