Band 4.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 4.5 · Cambridge IELTS 20 · 2026-11-06

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

It is important for children, young adults, working people and the retired to have at least one hobby.

What's your opinion about this?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Student answer (Band 4.5)

For me its better to have hobby,for the kids it good for daily life,they need a phycical activity to inhance thier body,to be strong strengthen thier mind.For example playing basketball,badminton,football,volleyball this kind of sports is thier need to become healthy.Its help their mental health to become brigther and smarter.Also having a hobby is the one can help thier daily life.Example when they are bored inside the huose.They may go outside to play and thier frends was already thier,they feel so happy and feel comportableand relax because they are bc to play with thier frends.Thats the importance of having a hobby.They will leaned also how to communicate to the other and have some extra frend outside.and they need to expose to the other poeple so that is verry importand to have a hobby its also a work out to our retired worker that suffering for lonelyness when thier alone everyday in thierhouse.maybe they feel much yuonger when they have a hobby in thier daily life they can express thier feelings when its sad or happy.in real life many of us have an own way to be happy.we are bored if we dont have time to an any hobby.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 5.0

Your opinion is clear: you believe hobbies are beneficial, especially for children and retired people. You give relevant examples, including sports and playing with friends, and mention exercise, social contact and loneliness. However, the response addresses the topic only partially: young adults and working people are not discussed, and the benefits for children are repeated rather than developed with specific explanation. The point about retired people is brief and difficult to follow. The response is also 53 words below the required minimum, which limits the space available to explain your ideas and support them with examples. To strengthen your answer, cover each age group and develop two or three reasons in more detail.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 4.0

There is a basic line of thought: you begin with children, give examples of sports and socialising, and then move to retired people. Words such as “For example,” “Also” and “because” show attempts to connect ideas. However, the response is presented as one long paragraph, and the progression between points is difficult to follow. Several ideas run together, as in the passage about children being bored at home and meeting friends outside. Repeated references to “hobby” and “they” do not always make clear who is being discussed, particularly when the focus shifts to retired people. Use separate paragraphs for your position, benefits for different groups and conclusion, and make each paragraph develop one main point.

Lexical Resource: Band 5.0

You use some relevant vocabulary for the topic, including “physical activity,” “mental health,” “communicate” and “loneliness,” which helps convey your main ideas. However, the range is limited and several words or phrases are repeated, especially “hobby,” “happy” and “daily life.” Frequent spelling errors, such as “phycical,” “inhance,” “thier” and “comportable,” make parts of the response harder to understand. Some expressions are also imprecise or unnatural, for example “become brighter” for mental health and “extra friend outside.” Build a wider set of accurate topic vocabulary and check spelling carefully. More precise phrases such as “improve physical fitness” and “form friendships” would express your ideas more naturally.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 4.5

You attempt to connect ideas using clauses with “because” and “when,” and you include some simple sentences that communicate your general meaning. However, sentence structures are limited, and many sentences contain errors in basic grammar and punctuation. For example, “For me its better to have hobby” is missing an apostrophe and an article, while “Its help their mental health” has an incorrect subject–verb form. In “their friends was already there,” the verb does not agree with the plural subject. Run-on sentences and missing sentence boundaries also make relationships between ideas unclear. Practise accurate simple sentences first, then combine them with controlled clauses, checking articles, verb agreement and punctuation.

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