Band 4.0 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 4.0 · Cambridge IELTS 20 · 2026-11-13

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

It is important for children, young adults, working people and the retired to have at least one hobby.

What's your opinion about this?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Student answer (Band 4.0)

In the modern era, some people for discipline a very necessery and communicate talk other people. Both experience very importand a adults and young and school student and working people and other retired people. I think adults for more necessery because new genration learn a adults people. I will discuss a my opinion .

To commence with, I think discipline and other any skills important for student and any working people. Adults in skills more important. adults should a learn daily new things and grow the skills and encourage the student. working people should a work with discipline and kindness. Because work stay a discipline is better. They increase the future a opporiunities.

On the other hand, I think police retired people and teacher retired people more discipline. Retired people should a encourage the new genretion with sports and physical activity. Teachers should a student of motivate a health and sports.They encourage a healtyh food and avoid a junk food because junk food many affect on health. Teacher and retired people should childern of keep a joint phyiscal activity.

To conclude with after pondering over deal of delibertion and thoughts. All people in all quilty is more importand. If come in new genration not face a any promblem.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 3.5

You express a general view that hobbies or activities are important for different age groups, and you mention students, working people, adults and retired people. However, the response does not clearly answer whether everyone should have at least one hobby: it shifts to discipline, learning skills, sports and healthy eating, so much of the discussion is only indirectly related to the question. The position is also difficult to identify, especially when you say adults are more important and later conclude that all people are important. The examples about retired teachers encouraging exercise could support your view, but they need to explain how hobbies benefit people. The response is 42 words below the required minimum, which also limits the development of your reasons. State your opinion directly and develop relevant examples.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 4.0

There is a basic essay structure: an opening paragraph, two body paragraphs introduced by “To commence with” and “On the other hand,” and a conclusion. This gives the reader some sense of organisation, and the paragraphs broadly group ideas about working adults and retired people. However, the progression within paragraphs is often unclear: the first body paragraph moves from discipline to skills, encouragement, work and future opportunities without showing how these points connect to hobbies. Some linking phrases are mechanical or do not express a clear contrast, and references such as “They” and “They encourage” have unclear antecedents. The conclusion repeats a broad claim rather than drawing together the reasons. Use clearer topic sentences and connect each supporting point explicitly to your main opinion.

Lexical Resource: Band 4.5

You attempt vocabulary related to the topic, including “discipline,” “skills,” “physical activity,” “junk food” and “opportunities.” These choices show an effort to discuss personal development and health, but the range is limited and several expressions are inaccurate or difficult to understand. For example, “for discipline a very necessery” and “new genration learn a adults people” do not communicate a clear meaning, while “police retired people” appears to be an unsuitable phrase. Spelling errors such as “necessery,” “importand,” “opporiuni ties” (written as “oppori unities” in the response), and “healtyh” also reduce clarity. Build a more precise set of words for hobbies and their benefits, such as relaxation, enjoyment, social connection and skill development, and check spelling and collocations.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 4.5

You make some attempts to form longer sentences, including a reason introduced by “because” and a sentence beginning “If come in new genration.” However, most sentence patterns are very limited, and frequent errors in basic structures make the meaning hard to follow. Examples include missing or incorrect articles and verb forms in “Adults in skills more important” and “working people should a work,” as well as unclear sentence construction in “They increase the future a opportunities.” Subject–verb relationships and sentence boundaries also need attention; for instance, “Because work stay a discipline is better” is not a complete, clear sentence. Practise building accurate simple sentences first, then combine them with “because,” “which” or “so that.” Check articles, verb forms and word order in every sentence.

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