Band 6.0 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 6.0 · Cambridge IELTS 20 · 2026-11-05

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

Nowadays it's possible for people to buy many products or pay for treatments that help them to look younger.

Is this a good thing or a bad thing?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Student answer (Band 6.0)

These days it becomes easy for individuals to purchase numerous products to look younger. This essay thinks this is a negative approach because using these skincare items can cause deterimental health issues, and also increase financial burden.

Using many personal care products can create negative effect on skin including rashes, itching and skin problems. Nowadays, people prioritize artifical beauty than natural beauty to look more attractive during special occasions, which attract them to towards beauty items. As a result, they face disastrous skin related issues and diseases. Then visiting hospitals regularly for treatment. For example, recently, BBC news reported that many people are facing skin infections due to excessive usage of cosmetics.

Another reason why people should not purchase these costly beauty items is the fact that they increase people's expenses, which can make difficult to manage domestic responsibilities as well as person's expenditures. Therefore, these aspirations result in financial strain on earnings and create dispute in families, and people may fall into debt. For instance, determatolgist promotes their skin care products through social media sites, which impresses customers and end up spending a huge amount of money.

In conclusion, buying beauty products to look younger is a negative trend as it effects consumers' skin surfaces badly and put considerable financial pressure on families.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 6.0

Your position is clear from the introduction: you consider the trend negative because of possible skin problems and financial pressure, and the conclusion restates both reasons. These points are relevant and you support them with examples, including skin infections and spending prompted by social-media promotion. However, the health argument is more developed than the financial one, which is asserted through consequences such as family disputes and debt but not explained in much detail. The examples are also broad rather than specific, and the response does not fully explore the wider issue of treatments as well as products. The response is 36 words below the required minimum, so there is limited space to develop and support the ideas. Add a concrete example and explain the causes and consequences more fully.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 6.5

The response has a clear overall structure: an introduction states your view, two body paragraphs present separate reasons, and a conclusion summarises them. This makes the argument easy to follow, and phrases such as “Another reason” and “In conclusion” signal the stages effectively. The organisation is sound, but some links between sentences are mechanical or incomplete. For example, “Then visiting hospitals regularly for treatment” is a fragment rather than a fully connected consequence, and “As a result” introduces a claim without clearly showing how product use leads to the stated outcomes. The financial paragraph also moves quickly from expenses to family disputes and debt. To strengthen progression, connect each claim explicitly and develop the relationship between cause, example, and result.

Lexical Resource: Band 6.0

You use an adequate range of topic vocabulary, including “financial burden,” “skin infections,” “financial strain,” and “domestic responsibilities.” These expressions help communicate the main concerns, and the meaning is generally clear. There are also attempts at more specific language, such as “artificial beauty” and “excessive usage,” though some choices are inaccurate or unnatural. “Detrimental” is misspelled as “deterimental,” “artifical” and “determatolgist” are also misspelled, and “skin surfaces” is an awkward phrase for skin. “Attract them to towards” contains an unnecessary word and an unnatural collocation. Aim for more precise, natural combinations such as “encourage people to buy cosmetics” and “damage the skin”; careful proofreading would also correct spelling.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 5.5

You use both simple sentences and some more complex forms, including the opening sentence with “because” and the relative clause “which can make difficult to manage domestic responsibilities.” The main ideas remain understandable, but some grammatical errors affect accuracy. “This essay thinks” is an awkward subject construction; “This essay argues” would be more appropriate. “Which attract them” does not agree with the singular idea it refers to, while “which can make difficult” is missing an object such as “it.” The sentence “Then visiting hospitals regularly for treatment” is incomplete, and the conclusion has agreement problems in “it effects … and put.” Work on complete sentence formation, subject–verb agreement, and consistent verb forms while retaining your attempts at complex sentences.

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