Band 6.0 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 6.0 · Cambridge IELTS 20 · 2026-11-11

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

Nowadays it's possible for people to buy many products or pay for treatments that help them to look younger.

Is this a good thing or a bad thing?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Student answer (Band 6.0)

Nowadays, people can easily purchase expensive skincare products and undergo cosmetic surgeries to maintain a youthful appearance. Although this trend has become increasingly popular worldwide, I believe it is largely a negative development because such treatment can cause serious health problems and create unnecessary financial presurre.

To begin with, one of the major drawbacks of undergoing skin surgeries is that cosmetic procedures can have side effects which usually impact person's overall health. To clarify, after having a cosmetic surgery or applying any cream on skin without having knowledge on that specific product can cause infections which sometimes ruin healthy skin.For example, 60% of korean people have done these surgeries have negative impacts on thier health and skin which sometimes ruin their career.Thus, even if these treatment may improve your appearance for small span of time, individuals should reconsider before buying anything or undergoing any procedure related to their skin.

Furthermore, expensive treatment can waste people hard earned money and social media also creates pressure on individuals. To elaborate, on social media platforms people show their skin as bright and all youthful because of which some people feel concious about their overall appearances and they want to take multiple surgeries to be that person . for example, In United States of America one woman spent her savings just to be like Angelina jolly but her surgeries were not successful how she was imagined and she declared dead.

Hence, people should know their worth instead of spending huge money they should take care of their overall health.

To encapsulate, even though cosmetic products can bring shine to face, individuals should be mindful before purchasing anything and they should not spend their money to pay for surgeries just to look youthful again.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 6.0

Your position is clear from the introduction: you consider the trend largely negative, and the conclusion reinforces this view. You address both products and treatments, giving relevant reasons about health risks and financial and social pressure. The health paragraph includes an explanation and an example, while the social-media paragraph develops the pressure point. However, some support is unclear or insufficiently developed. The claim that “60% of korean people” experience negative effects is presented without context, and the story about a woman trying to resemble Angelina Jolie is difficult to follow, particularly the claim that she “declared dead.” Explain how reliable examples support your argument, and develop the financial consequences more directly. This would make the response more consistently convincing and complete.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 6.5

The response has a clear overall structure: an introduction, two body paragraphs presenting separate reasons, and a conclusion. Signposts such as “To begin with,” “Furthermore,” and “To encapsulate” help readers follow the progression, and the main ideas are generally grouped appropriately. This meets the lower-band expectation of coherent organisation and also shows some stronger control through a logical sequence of points. However, connections within sentences are sometimes awkward, and the examples do not always link clearly to the claims they are meant to support. For instance, the transition from social-media pressure to the Angelina Jolie example needs clearer explanation. Improve cohesion by making each example’s relevance explicit and using pronouns and sentence boundaries carefully, rather than relying mainly on formulaic linking phrases.

Lexical Resource: Band 5.5

You use a relevant range of topic vocabulary, including “cosmetic procedures,” “side effects,” “youthful appearance,” and “social media platforms.” These choices communicate the subject clearly, and phrases such as “hard earned money” show an attempt to express ideas beyond basic vocabulary. However, several noticeable word-choice, collocation, and spelling errors reduce precision: “financial presurre,” “feel concious,” “bright and all youthful,” and “declared dead” are either misspelled or unclear in context. Some expressions are also unnatural, such as “for small span of time” and “ruin their career.” Build accuracy by checking spelling and learning common collocations, for example, “short-term improvement,” “feel self-conscious,” and “damage their career prospects.”

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 5.5

You attempt a mix of simple and complex forms, including a concession in “Although this trend has become increasingly popular…” and explanatory clauses introduced by “because of which.” The overall meaning is usually recoverable, and the response is not limited to short, simple sentences. Some grammatical errors nevertheless affect clarity and control. Examples include “impact person's overall health,” “after having a cosmetic surgery … can cause,” and “one woman spent her savings … but her surgeries were not successful how she was imagined.” These show problems with articles, sentence construction, and clause relationships. Punctuation and spacing also need attention, particularly where sentences run together. Practise building complex sentences with a clear subject and verb in each clause, and proofread for articles, agreement, and sentence boundaries.

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