Band 7.0 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 7.0 · Cambridge IELTS 20 · 2026-09-03

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

Nowadays it's possible for people to buy many products or pay for treatments that help them to look younger.

Is this a good thing or a bad thing?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Student answer (Band 7.0)

It is irrefutable that many people are interested in spending a lot of money on medications and medical treatments for changing their appearance. While these treatments provide inner happiness to them by making them look younger, I believe that it is a completely negative development due to wastage of money, increasing discriminationin society and health problems.

The most compelling reason for believing this is that it is entirely unnnecessary expenditure. Although these treatments may help people to look younger for a short time period, they will become old after a certain time period irrespective of these developments. Ultimately, this reduces confidence among individuals when they look older even after paying hefty amount of money. Moreover, it will lead to a wider gap among rich and poor people. When marginalised people cannot afford such expensive treatments, they may feel inferior and lose many opportunities which may result in increasing hate and discrimination in society. For example, in entertainments industry, sometimes the artists are chosen based on their looks which is unfair for the talented people. Therefore, this advance medical technology has personal and social disadvantages.

In addition, the surgical and non-surgical treatments related to changing age of people have detrimental impact on patients' health. As these treatments may include excessive bleeding, cutting of skin and other harsh procedures, it many lead to severe infections and complications. These cosmetic surgeries may pose a significant threat to somebody's life if the surgery is unsuccessful. For instance, many celebrities have encountered serious medical problems after their surgeries including permanent scars and nerve damages. As a result, people may face prolonged recovery period and require additional medical treaments for treating the previous damage.

In conclusion, I believe that the disadvantages of cosmetic treaments outweigh its advantages because it leads to several health risks, financial burden and social discrimination. Therefore, this development has catastrophic repurcussions on people's personal, professional and social life.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response — Band 7.5

You have clearly addressed the prompt by taking a firm stance that the trend is negative. Your ideas are well-developed, covering financial, social, and health-related arguments. You provide relevant examples, such as the entertainment industry and the risks of cosmetic surgery, which support your position effectively. The response is balanced and maintains a consistent viewpoint throughout. To reach a higher band, ensure that your conclusion does not merely repeat the points but synthesizes them to provide a final, insightful thought on the topic. Overall, you have fully addressed all parts of the task with a clear and logical progression of ideas.

Coherence and Cohesion — Band 7.0

The essay is logically organized with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph has a central theme, and you use cohesive devices such as 'The most compelling reason', 'Moreover', and 'In addition' to guide the reader. However, some transitions feel slightly mechanical, and there are minor issues with referencing, such as 'these developments' in the second paragraph, which could be more precisely defined. Paragraphing is used appropriately to separate distinct arguments. To improve, focus on using a wider variety of cohesive devices to make the flow between sentences feel more natural and less formulaic.

Lexical Resource — Band 6.5

You demonstrate a sufficient range of vocabulary to discuss the topic with precision. Phrases like 'irrefutable', 'marginalised people', and 'catastrophic repercussions' show an ability to use less common lexical items. There are, however, some minor inaccuracies in word choice and collocation, such as 'in entertainments industry' (should be 'the entertainment industry') and 'changing age of people' (which sounds slightly unnatural). Spelling errors like 'unnnecessary', 'treaments', and 'repurcussions' occur, though they do not impede communication. To reach a higher band, focus on refining collocations and ensuring consistent accuracy in spelling.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy — Band 7.0

You use a mix of simple and complex sentence structures effectively. There is good control over grammar, and most sentences are clear. However, there are occasional errors, such as 'it many lead' (should be 'it may lead') and 'gap among rich and poor' (should be 'gap between'). Punctuation is generally sound, but there are minor slips in article usage and prepositional phrases. While you attempt complex structures, the frequency of these minor errors prevents the essay from reaching the 8.0 band. Focusing on proofreading for small grammatical slips will help improve your accuracy.

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