Band 6.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 6.5 · Cambridge IELTS 20 · 2026-09-04

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

Nowadays it's possible for people to buy many products or pay for treatments that help them to look younger.

Is this a good thing or a bad thing?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Student answer (Band 6.5)

There is an ongoing debate regarding people who are using money on beauty products or aesthetic treatments to look young. A lot of people are attracted to cosmetic treatments and choose to spend money because it is human nature to always look young and beautiful. While many people cannot afford to eat properly, I believe this a negative development to spend unnecessarily on this materialistic approach.

In an era of rising inflation, where people are struggling to meet ends, many choose to pay for products and treatments that will help them to look younger. During past few years the field of aesthetics is growing quickly and has gathered the attention of many people. For example, there are different types of treatments like hydra or vampire facial that can tighten pores, help the skin to glow or remove fat from face. Some techniques can lighten your skin tone while others can change the shape of nose, lips or eyebrows. Although all of these proceedures help to rejuvinate skin and bring youthfulness, they are highly expensive with some major side effects. For example, Micheal Jackson underwent many cosmetic surgeries to change his looks and experienced severe mental, physical and medical effects.

In recent times, many celebrities and high profile individuals are engaged in cosmetic proceedures like facial enhancements and body contouring. This affects society negatively by promoting superficial standards of beauty. For example, many fashion conscious people opt to follow these famous personalities and spend a lot of money just to improve their physical appearence.

To conclude, this trend has negatively influenced people by promoting superficial standards of beauty. It is very unfair to spend money on such treatments which have physical health risks and potential emotional challenges.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response — Band 6.5

The response addresses all parts of the prompt, clearly stating a position that the trend is negative. The ideas are relevant, such as the economic impact and the promotion of superficial beauty standards. The example of Michael Jackson is used to illustrate the potential risks, which supports the argument well. However, the development of ideas could be more nuanced; for instance, the essay could have explored why people feel this pressure more deeply rather than just stating it is 'human nature'. Overall, the position is consistent throughout the essay, and the main points are sufficiently extended to meet the requirements of the task.

Coherence and Cohesion — Band 6.5

The essay is logically organized with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph has a central theme, and the progression of ideas is easy to follow. Cohesive devices such as 'For example', 'Although', and 'In recent times' are used effectively to link sentences and ideas. Paragraphing is used appropriately to separate the economic argument from the social impact. While the flow is generally smooth, some transitions between sentences could be more sophisticated to elevate the coherence to a higher level, but the current structure is clear and effective.

Lexical Resource — Band 6.0

The vocabulary is generally adequate for the task, with some attempts at less common items like 'aesthetic treatments', 'rejuvenate', and 'superficial standards'. However, there are some spelling errors, such as 'proceedures' (procedures) and 'rejuvinate' (rejuvenate), and some word choice issues, such as 'using money' instead of 'spending money' or 'meet ends' instead of 'make ends meet'. While these errors do not impede communication, they indicate a need for more precision and attention to spelling to reach a higher band score.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy — Band 6.0

The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence structures. There are several grammatical errors, such as 'I believe this a negative development to spend' (missing 'is' or rephrasing) and 'During past few years' (missing 'the'). Punctuation is generally correct, but there are minor slips in article usage and prepositional phrases. The majority of the sentences are clear, and the errors do not cause difficulty for the reader. To improve, the student should focus on subject-verb agreement and the correct use of articles, as well as incorporating a wider variety of complex grammatical structures.

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