Band 6.0 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 6.0 · Cambridge IELTS 20 · 2026-09-09

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

Nowadays it's possible for people to buy many products or pay for treatments that help them to look younger.

Is this a good thing or a bad thing?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Student answer (Band 6.0)

In the current modern time, everyone want to look younger than their original age. Many individuals pay good amount of money for buying various types of cosmetic products. While many people prefer to go under the surgeries and treatment too look younger. My inclination will be elaborated in the ensuing paragraph with relevant examples before why I believe that this is a bad thing.

To begin with, in this fast developing modern era many people try to use different products on their face to look younger and smarter. In addition, a group of individuals also do the treatment such as Filler treatment, Botox treatment and many more. Although medical has proven that these kinds of operation and products are harmful for the skin, they chose to have these. Especially women use different kinds of facemask, foundation and make-up to look beautiful. However, they are easily provoke to use these stuffs after watching advertisements on the digital platforms. For instance, many people try to buy things after watching their favourite celebrities so they try to imitate them by purchasing and applying exactly the same beauty products.

However, many people waste a lot of money behind purchasing these type of products. Not only money but also time. Moreover, young youth is wasting their valuable time in these types of activities. There are so many victims who accept that their health system has got changed in a bad way after going through the cosmetic surgeries. Although, many people claim that they feel confident after using make-up products. For example, one of my friends has done nose job because she felt that her nose was too sharp which look weird to her. so after completing the surgery she really feel confident.

However, I believe that we all are naturally beautiful. So we should not disturb our original body with treatment. Everyone are beautiful in their on own way. If you have confidence then you will definitely look good. In my perspective, your inner strength and knowledge are your real beauty.

In the conclusion, many people prefer to use different cosmetic products and choose to have treatment but according to me, we should encourage our real beauty.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response — Band 6.0

The response addresses the prompt by discussing the trend of cosmetic enhancements and providing a clear personal opinion. The position is consistent throughout the essay. However, the development of ideas is somewhat limited. For instance, the argument regarding the negative impacts of cosmetic procedures is mentioned but not fully explored with depth or nuance. The essay relies on generalisations, such as the claim that 'everyone' wants to look younger, which weakens the analytical quality. To reach a higher band, you should provide more detailed reasoning and perhaps explore the counter-argument more thoroughly to demonstrate a balanced perspective.

Coherence and Cohesion — Band 6.0

The essay is organised into clear paragraphs, and there is a logical progression of ideas from the introduction to the conclusion. You use some cohesive devices like 'To begin with', 'In addition', and 'However'. However, some transitions feel mechanical or slightly repetitive, and the use of referencing is occasionally unclear, such as in the sentence 'Although medical has proven that these kinds of operation...'. The flow between sentences could be improved by using a wider variety of linking words and ensuring that pronouns clearly refer back to their intended antecedents.

Lexical Resource — Band 6.0

The vocabulary is generally adequate for the task, allowing you to express your ideas clearly. You use some topic-specific terms like 'cosmetic products', 'surgeries', and 'Botox treatment'. However, there are instances of imprecise word choice and collocation errors, such as 'waste a lot of money behind purchasing' (instead of 'on') and 'young youth' (which is redundant). The range of vocabulary is somewhat limited, and there is a reliance on basic descriptors. Expanding your range to include more sophisticated collocations and precise academic vocabulary would improve your score.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy — Band 5.5

You demonstrate a mix of simple and complex sentence structures. While the meaning is generally clear, there are frequent grammatical errors, particularly with subject-verb agreement ('everyone want', 'Everyone are') and article usage. Additionally, there are issues with sentence construction, such as 'before why I believe' in the introduction and 'so after completing the surgery she really feel confident'. These errors occur frequently enough to be noticeable, although they do not prevent the reader from understanding your message. Focusing on proofreading for basic grammatical accuracy would be highly beneficial.

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