Band 4.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 4.5 · Cambridge IELTS 20 · 2026-09-26

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

Nowadays it's possible for people to buy many products or pay for treatments that help them to look younger.

Is this a good thing or a bad thing?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Student answer (Band 4.5)

In this modern technology, there has been a drastique change in cosmetics and surgical treatments. People, are more obsessed to look younger than their age, this leads to a trend development of purchasing cosmetics and do skin surgeries. I believe that this trend has some benefits, however the drawbacks of this trend outweigh the advantages.

To begin with, as humans evolve they tend to have some obsession of their age as they want to look more younger, as a result they buy cosmetic products and undergo various surgeries. As a result it build up the confidence in them and sometimes benefit the skin problems. Also, many celebrities nowadays do plastic surgery to remain fit and young as a result many followers tend to become obsessed with their age and do the same thing

In this modern technology, there has been a drastique change in cosmetics and surgical treatments. People, are more obsessed to look younger than their age, this leads to a trend development of purchasing cosmetics and do skin surgeries. I believe that this trend has some benefits, however the drawbacks of this trend outweigh the advantages.

To begin with, as humans evolve they tend to have some obsession of their age as they want to look more younger, as a result they buy cosmetic products and undergo various surgeries. As a result it build up the confidence in them and sometimes benefit the skin problems. Also, many celebrities nowadays do plastic surgery to remain fit and young as a result many followers tend to become obsessed with their age and do the same thing this is my actual writing when i cant think of anyting.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 4.5

The response attempts to address the prompt regarding whether spending money on products or treatments to look younger is a good or bad thing. The student takes a clear position, stating that the drawbacks outweigh the advantages. However, the development of ideas is severely compromised because the entire text, from the second paragraph onwards, is an exact duplication of the first paragraph, followed by a meta-commentary sentence at the very end ("this is my actual writing when i cant think of anyting"). Because of this extensive repetition and lack of varied, extended arguments, the task is only partially addressed. The ideas presented—such as boosting confidence or following celebrities—are introduced but immediately repeated rather than elaborated, resulting in limited and under-developed content.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 4.0

Coherence is heavily disrupted by the complete duplication of paragraphs. The text begins with an introductory paragraph, moves into a body paragraph, and then repeats both the introduction and the body paragraph verbatim, concluding with an informal meta-commentary sentence. While transitional phrases such as "To begin with" and "as a result" are used, the mechanical repetition of entire blocks of text prevents any clear overall progression or logical structure. Paragraphing is mishandled because the repeated sections break the flow of the essay entirely. Referencing is also confusing due to the redundant loops in the narrative, making it difficult for the reader to follow a coherent line of thought from beginning to end.

Lexical Resource: Band 4.5

The lexical range is limited and repetitive, largely constrained by the fact that the text is duplicated. The writer attempts some less common vocabulary items, but spelling and word choice errors are present, such as "drastique" instead of drastic, and awkward phrasings like "obsession of their age" and "do skin surgeries". Collocations are frequently unnatural, for instance, "benefit the skin problems" or "build up the confidence in them". While communication is not entirely impeded regarding the basic topic, the vocabulary is basic, heavily recycled, and contains noticeable spelling and morphological errors that place it firmly in the lower bands.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 4.0

The student displays a very limited range of grammatical structures, relying heavily on simple and repetitive complex sentences that contain frequent structural errors. Examples include comma splices and run-on sentences, such as "People, are more obsessed to look younger than their age, this leads to a trend development..." Furthermore, the repetition of entire grammatical structures across the duplicated paragraphs highlights a lack of control over varied syntax. Errors in prepositions, verb forms (e.g., "want to look more younger" combining a comparative with 'more'), and punctuation are frequent. While some simple sentences are formed correctly, the grammatical inaccuracies and lack of structural variety restrict the score.

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