Band 6.0 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 6.0 · Cambridge IELTS 20 · 2026-09-28

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

Nowadays it's possible for people to buy many products or pay for treatments that help them to look younger.

Is this a good thing or a bad thing?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Student answer (Band 6.0)

Recently, people are buying or paying for treatments to help them look younger. In my opinion, it is creating negative impact on society, especially through celebrities and social media.

First of all, wide spread of accessible and affordable plastic surgery treatments makes an easier option for people to opt in. Unfortunately, the situation is critical because there are multiple cases where these surgeries has caused negative impact on patients, although there are successful results available, but comparatively destructive outcomes are way larger in numbers. For instance, many bollywood actresses have done such treatments to look young and bold beauty models, despite such costly operations many of them got negative results, which destroyed their career and made them bad examples for the society. Many young children idealise popular celebrities who look attractive with their beauty, but in realilty they do not due to extensive use of cosmetic products, which hide the natural beauty of a person with some flaws, mostly on screen, which shows their performance and looks to normal people.

Moreover, many young boys are facing issue with male pattern baldness, which is very common nowadays due to food habits and inheritance. To counter this issue hair transplant surgeries are available for many people at afforadable price, but overall it has some negative outcomes after the surgery such as infections, headache and side effects of medications. People should consider those impacts before getting transplant rather than considering only the cost factor.

In conclusion, with easy access and cost effective products and treatments attracts common people to look young. Consequently, people forget to consider the side effects and what impact it makes on society if something goes wrong.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 6.0

The student addresses the prompt by taking a clear position that the trend of seeking youth-enhancing treatments is a negative development. Both body paragraphs attempt to support this stance with examples, such as mentioning Bollywood actresses and hair transplant surgeries for young men. However, the development of these ideas is somewhat limited and occasionally lacks focus. For instance, the reference to young children idealising celebrities diverges slightly into the topic of makeup versus cosmetic surgery. While the main aspects of the task are covered, the arguments tend to generalise without robust supporting evidence. Therefore, this performance fits the Band 6 descriptor well, as it addresses all parts of the task with relevant ideas, but some points remain under-developed or unclear.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 6.0

The essay has a recognisable structure with an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Cohesive devices are used to link ideas, such as 'First of all', 'Moreover', and 'In conclusion'. However, the logical progression is at times hindered by awkward phrasing and mechanical transitions. For example, referencing makeup within a paragraph ostensibly about plastic surgery creates a disjointed flow. Paragraphing is generally appropriate, separating distinct points about cosmetic surgery and hair transplants, but referencing within sentences can be imprecise, as seen in phrases like 'despite such costly operations many of them got negative results'. Overall arrangement is coherent, earning a Band 6, though cohesion is occasionally faulty and referencing is not always completely clear.

Lexical Resource: Band 6.0

The student uses an adequate range of vocabulary for the task, attempting some less common lexical items such as 'affordable', 'extensive use', and 'male pattern baldness'. However, there are noticeable inaccuracies in word choice and collocation. For instance, 'wide spread' should be written as one adjective ('widespread'), and 'treatments has caused' shows a slip in lexical-grammatical interface. Phrases like 'bold beauty models' and 'cost effective products and treatments attracts' reflect awkward phrasing rather than precise control. Because the vocabulary is sufficient to convey the general message despite these inaccuracies and spelling or word-choice errors, a Band 6 is appropriate.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 5.5

The writer attempts a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, incorporating relative clauses and conditional-like phrasing. However, grammatical control is inconsistent. There are several noticeable errors throughout the text, such as subject-verb agreement issues ('surgeries has caused', 'treatments ... attracts') and article omissions ('in realilty', 'at afforadable price'). Punctuation is also occasionally problematic, leading to run-on structures like '...although there are successful results available, but comparatively destructive outcomes are way larger in numbers.' Despite these frequent errors, communication is rarely impeded entirely, aligning closely with the Band 5 to 6 threshold. Given that simple sentences are handled reasonably well and complex forms are attempted, a score of 5.5 is warranted.

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