Band 6.0 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 6.0 · Cambridge IELTS 20 · 2026-10-07

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

Nowadays it's possible for people to buy many products or pay for treatments that help them to look younger.

Is this a good thing or a bad thing?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Student answer (Band 6.0)

In this 21st century where technology and machinery have evolved to a mark that it can solve major asthetic problem in cosmetic industry. Nowadays i have seen alot of new beauty products in cosmetic segment also alot of new treatments available in market to look young. Day by day craze for looking young is speading like an epedemic. I see alot of people who are keen just for their outside beauty and comletely ignore their inner beauty which is "Health".

In my opinion, the key to this problem is balance and moderate consumtion of costly beauty products. People are literally breaking their wallet's just to feel good and confident temporary while they clearly forget that definetion of confidence is beyond external beauty and most of the time it just comes from beneath. I personally feel that paying for high end treatments to look good is a new marketing strategy where costly cosmetic products are sold in context to enhance beauty.

Although i do agree that it is important to feel confident especially when you are attending any social functions or even walking for an interviews. It could be anything but how you look ofcourse matters when it comes to your first impression. But i am just against the new trend of high end treatments aswell as costly products which are clearly breaking wallets of general population.

To conclude my statement, I have alot of female friends who are living paycheck to paycheck with minimal savings and when i asked them about their spending habits surprisingly 20 percent of their earning goes to cosmetic products and treatments annually. Hence beauty products and treatments feels good but it always comes with an addiction and hidden cost which only fraction of population can afford.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 6.5

Your position is generally clear: you accept that appearance can affect confidence and first impressions, but oppose excessive spending on anti-ageing products and treatments. This addresses both sides of the question and supports your view with relevant points, including the example of friends spending part of their earnings on cosmetics. The opening also identifies a concern about prioritising appearance over health. However, some ideas are asserted rather than fully explained: for example, the claim that confidence “comes from beneath” and that these products are a marketing strategy would benefit from clearer reasoning or a specific example. The response meets the task well overall, while fuller development of these points would make the argument more convincing and complete.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 6.0

The response has a recognisable overall structure: an introduction, two body paragraphs presenting your view and a concession, and a conclusion. Ideas generally progress from the popularity of beauty treatments to their costs and effects on confidence. Linking expressions such as “Although,” “But,” and “Hence” help show relationships between points. At times, however, the progression is less smooth: the discussion of health, confidence, marketing, and affordability shifts quickly without always explaining the connection. Some transitions also feel mechanical, and references such as “this problem” are not fully specific. To improve, give each paragraph a clearer central purpose and use linking phrases to express precise relationships rather than simply marking a contrast or conclusion.

Lexical Resource: Band 5.5

You use a relevant range of vocabulary, including “cosmetic industry,” “external beauty,” “first impression,” “spending habits,” and “hidden cost.” These expressions help communicate your position and show attempts to discuss the topic beyond basic terms. However, spelling errors and imprecise or unnatural word combinations are noticeable, for example “asthetic,” “speading,” “comletely,” and “breaking their wallet’s.” Phrases such as “walking for an interviews” also do not express the intended meaning naturally. These issues sometimes make the reader pause, although your main ideas remain understandable. Aim for accurate spelling and more natural collocations, and avoid repeating general terms such as “good” and “look young” when more precise alternatives are available.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 5.0

You attempt both simple and more complex sentence forms, including a concession beginning “Although I do agree…” and a relative clause in “products and treatments which are clearly breaking wallets.” This gives the response some structural variety. However, control is uneven, and errors in sentence construction, agreement, articles, and punctuation recur. For example, “technology and machinery have evolved to a mark that it can solve” has an unclear subject and agreement, while “when i asked them” needs a capital letter and a more clearly framed clause. The sentence beginning “In this 21st century where…” is also incomplete as written. Work on building complete sentences with clear subjects and verbs, and check articles, singular/plural forms, and punctuation before submitting.

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