Band 6.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 6.5 · Cambridge IELTS 20 · 2026-10-13

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

Nowadays it's possible for people to buy many products or pay for treatments that help them to look younger.

Is this a good thing or a bad thing?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Student answer (Band 6.5)

In this modern era, cosmatic industry is growing rapidly. Thanks to advancement in the beauty industry currently there are a numerous beauty products or treatments available in the market which aid individuals to look younger than their actual age. I believe it is a advantageous development. Provided that used in moderation.

To begin with, thesedays looks matter to a great extent. Due to appearence people often feel ignored or lesser than others around them. So beauty products or treatments assist individuals to gain confidence among themselves by enhanching their looks. Which will eventually solve multiple problems of their lives, such as relationships issues, lack of confidence etc. For example, nowadays youngsters are facing early hairfall issues due to poor nutrition or polluted water. This is affecting their personal lives and keeping them deprive of getting marry because no one wants to marry a bald person. Then in such situation hair transplant treatments help people to feel confident again and get marry to their desired partner.

In addition, there are many members of the society who meet with a road accident or a workplace injury which completely or partially ruins their face. In such situations looks enhancement treatments and products work as a blessing for them by giving them a new life after a traumatic experience.

On the other side, although cosmatic techniques bring enormous benefits to the people but at same time they cost hefty amount of money which can be heavy on individuals pockets. Such as treatments like microneedling, face life, scar removal etc cost more than $300 per session. This is difficult for a person of average monthly salary of $3000 per month. Therefore, these methods of beauty revitalization should be cost-friendly so that needy citizens can benefit from this.

To conclude, there is not even a shadow of doubt that merits of cosmatic treatments and products outweigh demerits. However, still these treatments need to be affordable for everyone.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 7.0

Your position is clear from the introduction—this is a positive development—and remains consistent in the conclusion, where you say the benefits outweigh the drawbacks. You address both sides and support your view with relevant examples: hair transplants may restore confidence, while reconstructive treatments can help people injured in accidents. The cost concern also adds balance. These ideas are generally extended enough to support your argument, although some claims are broad or insufficiently explained. For instance, the claim that baldness prevents young people from marrying is presented as a general fact, and the link between improved appearance and solving “multiple problems” could be qualified or supported more carefully. Develop the cost point further by explaining who may be excluded and why affordability matters.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 6.5

The response has a clear overall structure: an introduction, two paragraphs presenting benefits, a paragraph on cost, and a conclusion. The progression from confidence to reconstructive uses and then to a drawback is easy to follow. You also use signposts such as “To begin with,” “In addition,” and “On the other side.” However, some linking is mechanical, and the opening paragraph ends with the fragment “Provided that used in moderation,” which interrupts the flow. The relationship between ideas is occasionally unclear, particularly in the long hair-loss example, where several claims are joined together. To strengthen cohesion, connect each example explicitly to the main point of its paragraph and use clearer referencing rather than relying mainly on transition phrases.

Lexical Resource: Band 6.0

You use an adequate range of topic vocabulary, including “hair transplant treatments,” “workplace injury,” “scar removal,” and “beauty revitalization.” These choices help communicate the subject, and some less common expressions are attempted. However, inaccurate spelling and word choice are noticeable, including “cosmatic,” “appearence,” “enhanching,” and “face life” (for “facelift”). Some collocations are also unnatural: “feel confident among themselves,” “keeping them deprive,” and “heavy on individuals pockets” do not express the intended ideas naturally. A few phrases, such as “giving them a new life,” are broad rather than precise. Check spelling carefully and learn common word partnerships—for example, people can “regain confidence,” and a treatment can “restore appearance” or “be financially burdensome.”

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 5.5

You attempt a mix of simple and complex sentences, including clauses beginning with “although” and “which,” and most of the argument remains understandable. However, some sentence structures are incomplete or faulty. “I believe it is a advantageous development. Provided that used in moderation” separates a dependent idea from the sentence it should qualify, while “Which will eventually solve…” is also a fragment. There are errors in articles and agreement, as in “a numerous beauty products,” and in verb patterns, such as “help people to feel confident again and get marry.” The sentence about treatments costing more than $300 also needs clearer grammatical framing. Aim to combine fragments with their main clauses, check singular/plural agreement and articles, and proofread verb forms and punctuation.

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