Band 5.0 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 5.0 · Cambridge IELTS 20 · 2026-10-15

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

Nowadays it's possible for people to buy many products or pay for treatments that help them to look younger.

Is this a good thing or a bad thing?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Student answer (Band 5.0)

It's possible for people to purchase various products or to pay for treatment sessions, through which they look younger. In my opinion, this is a bad thing as this is totally a waste of money, and this development is against the laws of nature.

There are some advanatages of this development as individuals love to maintain their age by using artifical products. Especially women, they always want to purchase artifical things which enhances their beauty, along with the reduction in their ages. For instance, my sister always try to find out some expensive products, which she uses on any special occassion. Another advantage of this development is that cosmetic industries gain a massive revenue globally, as everyone wants to look handsome and dashing in their social circle. Moreover, through a massive revenue, these companies launch various products, people attract towards those products and purchase them.

On the other hand, there are also some drawbacks of this development. Firstly, this development encourages the waste of money on these useless things. In addition to that, people who are underpriviliged, feel inferiority complex in the society. In my opinion, this is the more convincing one. To examplify, in Pakistan, celebrities are glamorizing themselves after showcasing these products, and citizens are feeling inferiority complex. Another drawback is that this is against the nature, to change the originality, and try to endorse artifical products.

To conclude this, although there are some demerist of this, the advantage of this development are the more convincing ones, as this is totally a waste of money, and is against the laws of nature.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 5.0

You give a clear overall view in the introduction, describing the trend as a bad thing, and you include relevant points about expense, social pressure and changing natural appearance. However, the position becomes inconsistent: the conclusion says the advantages are “the more convincing ones,” despite repeating that the trend wastes money and goes against nature. This makes it difficult to know which side you ultimately support. Several ideas are also asserted rather than explained. For example, the claim that cosmetic companies’ revenue is an advantage is not clearly connected to why the development is good for people, while the example about your sister does not show a specific benefit. Keep one position consistent and explain how each example supports it.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 4.5

The response has a recognisable introduction, two body paragraphs and a conclusion, and signposts such as “On the other hand” help distinguish opposing points. However, progression within paragraphs is often unclear or repetitive. The first body paragraph lists advantages, but the link between company revenue, product launches and consumers buying products is not developed as a coherent argument. In the second, “In my opinion, this is the more convincing one” has an unclear reference, and the conclusion’s claim that the advantages are more convincing conflicts with the earlier organisation. Some linking phrases, including “In addition to that” and “Another drawback,” create a list-like effect. Group related points and use clear references to show how each idea connects.

Lexical Resource: Band 5.5

You use some topic-related vocabulary, including “cosmetic industries,” “revenue,” “underprivileged” and “inferiority complex,” which helps communicate the subject. There is also some attempt to use less common expressions, such as “laws of nature.” However, the range is limited and several choices or collocations are inaccurate or unnatural, including “maintain their age,” “reduction in their ages,” “gain a massive revenue” and “endorse artificial products.” Spelling errors such as “advanatages,” “artifical” and “ocassion” are noticeable. These issues do not prevent the reader from understanding the main points, but they reduce precision. Aim for natural combinations such as “maintain a youthful appearance” and check spelling carefully.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 5.5

You attempt both simple and more complex sentence forms, for example, “although there are some…” in the conclusion and clauses beginning with “as” and “which.” The main message is generally understandable, but errors in agreement, verb forms and sentence construction occur regularly. Examples include “my sister always try” instead of “my sister always tries,” “products, which she uses” where the clause is awkwardly attached, and “people attract towards those products,” which needs a different grammatical pattern. The final sentence also has a subject–verb agreement problem in “the advantage … are.” Practise building accurate sentences around one main clause, then add subordinate clauses only when their relationship is clear.

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