Band 6.0 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 6.0 · Cambridge IELTS 20 · 2026-10-15

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

Nowadays it's possible for people to buy many products or pay for treatments that help them to look younger.

Is this a good thing or a bad thing?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Student answer (Band 6.0)

It is widely acknowledged that with the advancement of technology it has become very feasible for people to buy items and pay for treatments which make them look younger than their age.However, some people say it is required and good but some argue that it is bad. This essay will discuss both the sides and agree that it is way more worse for body than it looks.

In todays world, when everything is so accessible to everyone in different parts of the world, the urge to depend and buy treatments has become more common than before.Through internet and social media people get a lot of knowledge on how to tranform your look.There are some sets of people who admire to look like others and are unhappy the way god has created them so they choose to avail services like botox, lip fillers, impants etc.No doubt they make you look different and prettier. A survery was conducted in several parts of the world and it was found that there is 40% increament in the usage of such prducts.People in their 40s and 50s feel more confident and self assured when they get such surgeries done.

However, I believe besides making you confident, it makes you very insecure at the same time because you tend to stress about aging which is a natural phenomenon.Moreover, in recent years it was also found that the risk of skin cancer has increased.The main factor that contributes to this is skin surgies and medications.A lot of people have lost their lives due to this because theres hardly any cure.Also, nowadays it has become more like a trend than a necessity for most people since it makes them look cooler.

In the conclusion, it is believed that such therapy and surgies are not meant for everyone. Aging is a natural and occurs to everyone. You should feeel optimistic with the way you look and accept it for ones own good sake.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 6.0

You address both sides of the question and make your own view clear: the introduction says these treatments are “way more worse for body,” and the conclusion reinforces acceptance of natural ageing. You also give relevant points about confidence, social-media influence, insecurity and possible health risks. This meets the task, but some ideas are more fully addressed than others. The benefits are briefly acknowledged, while the claim that treatments increase skin-cancer risk and have caused deaths is presented without explanation or a clear link to the treatments discussed. Develop this reasoning and support it with a specific, credible example. A more precise position in the introduction would also help the reader understand exactly why you consider the drawbacks greater.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 6.0

The response has a clear overall arrangement: an introduction, a paragraph describing why people choose treatments, a contrasting paragraph explaining your concerns, and a conclusion. Transitions such as “However,” “Moreover,” and “In the conclusion” make the main direction easy to follow. At times, though, the progression feels mechanical, and some links between claims are not fully explained. For example, the move from skin cancer to people losing their lives is abrupt, and “Also” introduces the trend point without showing how it relates to the health argument. Use clearer referencing and explain the relationship between each supporting point. Paragraphing is appropriate, but a more deliberate sequence—benefits first, then distinct personal and medical drawbacks—would strengthen cohesion.

Lexical Resource: Band 5.5

You use a relevant range of topic vocabulary, including “botox,” “lip fillers,” “self-assured,” “insecure,” and “natural phenomenon,” which helps communicate the subject. There are also attempts at more formal phrasing, such as “advancement of technology” and “the urge to depend and buy treatments.” However, several word choices and collocations are inaccurate or awkward, including “more worse,” “admire to look like others,” and “skin surgeries.” Spelling errors such as “tranform,” “impants,” “survery,” and “increament” are noticeable and reduce precision. Aim for accurate, natural combinations—for example, “choose to undergo cosmetic procedures”—and proofread spelling. This would make your vocabulary more controlled and appropriate to an essay.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 5.5

You attempt a mix of simple and complex sentences, including clauses beginning “when,” “which,” and “because,” and most of your meaning remains understandable. Some grammatical errors occur, however, and punctuation sometimes makes sentence boundaries unclear. For instance, “However, some people say it is required and good but some argue that it is bad” would be clearer with parallel phrasing and a comma before “but.” In “Aging is a natural and occurs to everyone,” the sentence structure is incomplete; write “Ageing is natural and happens to everyone.” There are also missing spaces after full stops and inconsistent apostrophe use, as in “theres.” Review sentence boundaries, articles, and clause structure, while continuing to use complex sentences.

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