Band 6.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 6.5 · Cambridge IELTS 20 · 2026-10-17

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

Nowadays it's possible for people to buy many products or pay for treatments that help them to look younger.

Is this a good thing or a bad thing?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Student answer (Band 6.5)

In this modern era, majority of youngsters spend monetory value on beauty products and treatments to look younger. Although these options can improve confidence, I believe that it can develop unrealistic challenges including health and financial problems.

On one hand, anti-aging byproducts can positively improve an individual's self-esteem. Some people feel uncomfortable about wrinkles, acne scars or some other issues with their skin which lowers the confidence. Hence, skincare products and professional treatmentscan potentially improve the skin texture. Micheal Jackson, one of the most famous superstar had underwent skin transplantation due to the audacity for looking younger. Therefore, such usage of beauty products can improve a person's emotional well-being when used safely and reasonably.

However, there are potential drawbacks with excessive expenditure on maintaining youthful appearence. Social media promotes flawless skin and youthful features, making the civilians think that aging is undesirable. Consequently, the individuals are drawn towards spending their income over such cosmetics to meet the societal expectations. Moreover, transplantation practices carried out under unprofessional practitioners can lead to a significant health damage which can might require further medical treatments. Instead of accepting natural appearence, people often feel dissatisfied with themselves and feel pressurised to undergo such treatments.

To conclude, although such products can decrease the visible signs of aging and improve confidence, I believe this trend has many demerits because it can cause unrealistic expectations and may damage a person's health and finances. In my opinion, people should be free to make choices about their appearance, but society should promote self-acceptance and healthy living rather than artificial beauty products.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 7.0

You address both sides of the question and maintain a clear position: appearance-related products may boost confidence, but the trend can create unrealistic expectations and harm health and finances. The body paragraphs give relevant reasons, including social-media pressure and risks from unprofessional procedures, and the conclusion restates your view while adding a balanced recommendation about personal choice and self-acceptance. The example of Michael Jackson is intended to support the benefits, although its relevance and accuracy are not clearly explained, and the point about financial harm is asserted more than illustrated. To strengthen the response further, develop these points with a more specific example or explanation, and make the distinction between ordinary skincare and medical treatments clearer.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 7.0

The response has a clear overall structure: an introduction, a paragraph presenting a benefit, a paragraph explaining drawbacks, and a conclusion. The progression from confidence to social pressure and health risks is easy to follow. Linking expressions such as “On one hand,” “However,” “Consequently,” and “To conclude” help signal the stages of the argument. Some connections are less precise: “Hence” introduces a result that is not fully established, while “Therefore” repeats the preceding claim rather than advancing it. The reference to “such usage” is also somewhat broad, as it could refer to products, treatments, or both. For stronger cohesion, use references that identify the exact idea and make the relationship between each example and its claim explicit.

Lexical Resource: Band 6.0

You use an adequate range of topic vocabulary, including “self-esteem,” “skin texture,” “societal expectations,” and “self-acceptance,” which helps communicate the main ideas. There are also attempts at more formal phrasing, such as “emotional well-being” and “visible signs of aging.” However, several inaccurate or unnatural choices reduce precision: “monetory value” does not mean spending money, “anti-aging byproducts” is unsuitable for the products discussed, and “civilians” is not the right term for people generally. Spelling errors such as “appearence” and “Micheal” also detract from control. Aim for accurate, natural collocations and check spelling; for example, use “anti-ageing products” and “spend money on” rather than the less suitable phrases.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 6.0

You use a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, including a concession in the opening (“Although these options can improve confidence…”) and a conditional phrase (“when used safely and reasonably”). Most sentences communicate their meaning, but some grammatical errors remain. For example, “majority of youngsters” needs a determiner, and “one of the most famous superstar had underwent” has problems with number and verb form. In “which can might require,” two modal verbs are combined, while “treatmentscan” shows a spacing and punctuation slip. There are also article and agreement issues in phrases such as “a significant health damage.” Review articles, subject–verb agreement, and verb forms, then proofread for sentence-level accuracy while continuing to use varied structures.

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