Band 6.0 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 6.0 · Cambridge IELTS 20 · 2026-10-29

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

Nowadays it's possible for people to buy many products or pay for treatments that help them to look younger.

Is this a good thing or a bad thing?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Student answer (Band 6.0)

Nowadays, people believe that buying expensive products could help them to look much younger, others argue with the fact that this is a good development, while others feel is a negative thing to do.I am of the strong opinion that it is a good development ,because it restores individual confidence of themselves.Making them look good through application of skincares and cosmetics.Through these treatments, it also helps individuals to improve a defect detected from birth by the regular and constant usage of these treatment product .Also excessive usage of these products comes with serious health harzard.

First and foremost , the application of cosmetics on individuals plays a crutial role on building of confidence ,for instance some teenagers ,during puberty , they experience breakouts acne on there faces which is unwanted to some, that leads to depreciaton of there confidence ,through visitation of a Dermatologist a cream is suggested to help tackle the problem by the guidiance of the Dermatologist.

Additionally ,there are skin problems ,which is a defect from birth that makes the members of the society to patronize such creams ,for example Vitiligo is a skin problem that discolorate a persons skin with patches of some areas black and some areas white ,through the ointments it helps minimize the patches on the areas that are affected.

On the otherhand, too much exposure of these product to the skin can lead to diseases of the skin ,for example an African black women usually patronizes the bleaching manufacturing industries so as to lighten there skin which is detrimental to the skin, causes diseases both outside and inside the body .

in conclusion,i am of the opinion of cosmetic products should be used to restore confidence,whereas excessive usage is detrmental to health.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 6.5

Your position is clear: you consider appearance-related products beneficial because they can restore confidence, while acknowledging that excessive use may harm health. The examples of acne treatment and vitiligo are relevant and help explain your reasons, so the response addresses both sides of the question. However, the benefits are developed more fully than the health concern: the final paragraph mentions skin and internal diseases but does not explain how these harms arise or give a specific example beyond skin bleaching. Some claims, such as creams minimizing vitiligo patches, would also benefit from careful qualification. To strengthen the response, explain each main point in more depth and make the conclusion reflect the balance of your discussion more precisely.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 6.0

The response has a recognisable structure: an introduction, two paragraphs supporting your view, a paragraph presenting a drawback, and a conclusion. Linking phrases such as “First and foremost,” “Additionally,” and “On the other hand” make the main stages easy to follow. However, cohesion is sometimes mechanical, and some connections between ideas are unclear. The opening sentence combines opposing views and your own position in a confusing way, while “Through these treatments” and “it” do not always have clear references. Several sentences run together because punctuation and spacing are missing. Use one clear controlling idea per paragraph, connect examples explicitly to that idea, and check that pronouns refer unambiguously to a noun.

Lexical Resource: Band 5.5

You use relevant topic vocabulary, including “cosmetics,” “Dermatologist,” “Vitiligo,” “discolorate,” and “detrimental,” and you attempt some less common expressions. This gives you enough vocabulary to discuss the topic, but inaccurate word choice, collocation, and spelling are noticeable and sometimes make the meaning less clear. For example, “breakouts acne” and “patronizes the bleaching manufacturing industries” are not natural expressions, while “harzard,” “crutial,” and “detrmental” contain spelling errors. Some phrases are also repeated, particularly “these products” and “confidence.” Build accuracy by learning common word partnerships and checking spelling; prefer precise, natural phrases over formal-sounding wording that does not fit the context.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 5.0

You attempt both simple and more complex sentence forms, including clauses introduced by “which” and “that,” and you use examples to extend your points. However, control is inconsistent: some sentences are incomplete or joined incorrectly, as in “Making them look good through application of skincares and cosmetics,” and “I am of the strong opinion that it is a good development, because…” is followed by a fragment. There are also errors in agreement and sentence construction, such as “it also helps individuals” after a plural subject and “it helps minimize” after “through the ointments.” Missing spaces after full stops and inconsistent comma use further affect accuracy. Practise building complete sentences with clear subjects and verbs, then proofread punctuation and agreement.

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