Band 6.0 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 6.0 · Cambridge IELTS 20 · 2026-11-01

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

Nowadays it's possible for people to buy many products or pay for treatments that help them to look younger.

Is this a good thing or a bad thing?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Student answer (Band 6.0)

There is a new trend observed among the people to buy products or pay for treatments that will help them to look younger. Several people have different opinions on this. I see this as a bad practise. The essay will highlight reasons for this and include an example to support the argument.

Nowadays people find it easier to look younger because of growing consumption of genetically designed products. People crossing the age of 50 undergo certain surgeries to enhance their looks. However, these are proven short-cuts by several studies. This suggests elongated use of such substance and frequent treatments lead to more hardships in the old age. The bones and muscles loses calcium due to this. Moreover, body weight drops uniformly over the period of time causing weakness internally. Usually, people belonging to the entertainment industry are highly exposed to this since they have to maintain their fanbase. They also do this to gain more film and advertising contracts. For example, popular actor Salman Khan undergo several surgeries to look younger but harmful effects on his body were seen once he crossed 60.

There are several ways to look younger. One way is to eat fruits and vegetables on daily basis with less focus on products contributing to carbohydrates and fats. Second way would be to eat vegetarian foods with ingredients promoting fibers and protein. Final approach is to do regular indoor and outdoor excercises. This will regulate a good breathing intake throughout the body helping in the skin glow.

Hence, the essay proves that the products or treatments helping people to look younger is a bad thing.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 6.0

Your position is clear from the introduction—“I see this as a bad practise”—and the conclusion returns to that view. You give relevant reasons, including possible health consequences and pressure on entertainers to maintain their appearance, and you include an example. However, some claims are unclear or insufficiently supported: the link between cosmetic treatments and calcium loss or uniform weight loss is asserted without explanation, and the Salman Khan example is presented as fact without evidence. The paragraph on diet and exercise offers alternatives, but its connection to why buying products or paying for treatments is a bad thing could be made more explicit. Develop the strongest reasons with careful explanation and a more credible, specific example.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 6.0

The response has a recognisable overall structure: an introduction, a paragraph on harms, a paragraph on alternatives, and a conclusion. Sequencing within the alternatives paragraph is easy to follow through “One way,” “Second way,” and “Final approach.” However, the progression between the main argument and that paragraph is somewhat abrupt; explain how healthier habits support your position rather than simply listing them. Some linking is mechanical, particularly the repeated use of “Moreover,” “Usually,” and “For example,” while “Hence, the essay proves” sounds formulaic. Referencing could also be clearer: “these” and “this” do not always identify precisely which products, treatments, or effects are meant. Use transitions that show the relationship between ideas and make each paragraph’s purpose explicit.

Lexical Resource: Band 5.5

You use a reasonable range of topic-related vocabulary, including “treatments,” “surgeries,” “hardships,” “entertainment industry,” and “contracts,” so the main ideas are generally understandable. There are also attempts at more formal phrasing, such as “highly exposed” and “regulate a good breathing intake,” but these combinations are unnatural or imprecise. Several choices weaken clarity: “genetically designed products” does not clearly describe anti-ageing products, and “short-cuts” is not an accurate description of treatments being proven. Spelling and word-form slips such as “practise” in this context and “excercises” also need attention. Aim for precise collocations and check spelling; this will make your vocabulary more natural without requiring unnecessarily complex words.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 5.5

You use both simple statements and some longer structures, including “This suggests elongated use of such substance and frequent treatments lead to more hardships in the old age.” The overall meaning is usually recoverable, but some errors in agreement, articles, and sentence construction remain. For example, “The bones and muscles loses” should have a plural verb, while “people belonging to the entertainment industry … have to maintain their fanbase” is followed by “They also do this,” whose reference is not fully clear. In the example, “Salman Khan undergo” and “effects … were seen once he crossed 60” need more accurate verb forms and phrasing. Practise checking subject–verb agreement and article use, and revise longer sentences to ensure their grammatical relationships are clear.

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