Band 4.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 4.5 · Cambridge IELTS 17 · 2026-10-28

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor.

Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Student answer (Band 4.5)

In modern era, a increasing number of people are suffering by vareities of diseases that are affecting on our healths such as heartbreak, cancer, flue, cough and fever these illness are extraordinary spread all around the world. As well as, unfortunately we take a lot of medicines, when we suffe in formal sickness without expertises's instructor. I think that this is not a positive development because this is one of the most important concepts that protect to other ill. I will you several reasons that will support my ideas.

On of the most important issues, those problems are widely spread through by innovative technology like automobiles, stay in touch with mobiles and artifical nature beauty. a fewer types of problems have enhanced in our environmental system for example breath issuses, headches and lungs issuses. On the other hand, a lot people are taking many medicines instead of visiting their doctors because the doctors gives us variety of medicines.

Other factors that without checking the doctors, we must suffere in dangerous situations like death and bigest infections. all types of medicines make a wide variety of fromulas that reliefs through fever and cough. There are many shops related to pharmacy fileds, but i thiunk that this is not enough experience, however, there are varieties of parts fuctions in our body.

From my point of views, this is not good for our health that is why o, our knowledge is not quite for instead of doctor instructions.

to sum up, I have discussed this topic, we should avoid take the medicine without doctors.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 4.0

You state a position—“this is not a positive development”—and your conclusion recommends avoiding medicine without doctors, so your general view is identifiable. However, the response only minimally addresses the actual comparison between alternative treatments and visiting a usual doctor. Much of the first paragraph discusses illness and taking medicines without expert guidance, while the body shifts to technology, environmental problems, pharmacies, and general dangers. These points do not clearly explain why people choose alternative treatments or develop a focused argument about the consequences. To strengthen the response, explain specific risks or benefits of alternative care, distinguish it from self-medicating, and support each main reason with a relevant example.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 4.5

The response has an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion, and phrases such as “On the other hand” and “to sum up” show an attempt to guide the reader. However, the progression between ideas is difficult to follow: the discussion moves from diseases to technology, then to medicines and pharmacies, without clear links to the question. Some connections are also unclear, as in “this is one of the most important concepts that protect to other ill.” Paragraphs contain several loosely related points rather than one developed central idea. Organise each body paragraph around a single reason, use clear topic sentences, and make references such as “this” explicit so the reader can follow the argument.

Lexical Resource: Band 4.5

You attempt vocabulary related to health, including “diseases,” “medicines,” “pharmacy,” and “infections,” and you try to use more specific terms such as “environmental system.” However, basic vocabulary is often inaccurate, repetitive, or difficult to interpret. Examples include “heartbreak” for a health condition, “artifical nature beauty,” and “varieties of parts fuctions in our body.” Spelling errors such as “suffere,” “thiunk,” and “issuses” also reduce clarity. Build a reliable set of topic-specific expressions and check spelling and collocations; precise phrases such as “alternative treatments,” “medical advice,” and “side effects” would help you express relevant ideas more clearly.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 4.5

You attempt both simple statements and longer sentences, including a reason clause beginning “because” and a contrast introduced by “On the other hand.” However, sentence structures are frequently faulty, and errors sometimes make the intended meaning hard to understand. For example, “a increasing number of people are suffering by” has problems with the article and verb pattern, while “the doctors gives us” has subject–verb disagreement. Several sentences run together without clear punctuation, as in the opening list of illnesses, and the final sentence, “this is not good for our health that is why…,” is not grammatically complete. Practise accurate simple sentences first, then combine ideas using controlled clauses and check articles, agreement, and sentence boundaries.

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