Band 4.5 IELTS Writing Task 1 Model Answer
Overall Band Score: 4.5 · Cambridge IELTS 21 · 2026-10-05
IELTS Writing Task 1 question
All new employees at your workplace have a mentor - an experienced colleague who gives them advice and support in their career. As a new employee, you have been given details of your mentor.
Write a letter to introduce yourself to your new mentor. In your letter
give a brief outline of your previous studies and work experience
explain what help you hope your mentor can give
suggest arrangements for a first meeting with your mentor
You do NOT need to write any addresses.
Begin your letter as follows:
Dear....... ,
Student answer (Band 4.5)
Dear Madam/sir,
I would like to write about my self, my full name is I kadek wirayadnya I am 37 years old as new employess I need your mentor to build my performent or ability in this workplace.I have been work in this indrustry especially in hospitality around 7 years, however on this place I am a new member so I really happy have new mentor like you, I need more learn from your experiences because I know people can grow up on his career there is good mentor behind. Moreover in this industry we need to help and support each other to make develop bussines and employess career in the future. If possible in first meeting I would like you help me how become more confident on personality in carees and build ability in this job, and I hope you happy to help me as a mentor during work together in this workplace.
Anyway thankyou so much and Best regard,
your faithfully.
wira
AI examiner evaluation
| Criterion | Band |
|---|---|
| Task Achievement / Task Response | 4.0 |
| Coherence and Cohesion | 4.5 |
| Lexical Resource | 5.0 |
| Grammatical Range and Accuracy | 5.0 |
| Overall | 4.5 |
Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 4.0
The response addresses the task only minimally. While all three bullet points from the prompt are touched upon, the ideas remain very limited and under-developed. For instance, the outline of previous studies and work experience is extremely brief, stating only that you have 'work in this indrustry especially in hospitality around 7 years' without giving specific roles or background details. Similarly, the suggestion for a first meeting lacks concrete arrangement details, remaining vague by stating 'If possible in first meeting I would like you help me'. The position and purpose of the letter are visible, but the lack of adequate elaboration keeps the content minimal.
Coherence and Cohesion: Band 4.5
The letter displays some overall organisation, but there is no clear logical progression between sentences. The entire body of the letter is written as a single, lengthy run-on paragraph rather than being appropriately divided into distinct sections for your background, expectations, and meeting proposal. Cohesive devices are generally inadequate or missing; ideas are joined together by simple commas or run-on structures like 'however on this place I am a new member so I really happy have new mentor like you'. Referencing and logical transitions between thoughts need significant improvement to create a smoother flow of information.
Lexical Resource: Band 5.0
The vocabulary used is limited and minimally adequate for the task. There are noticeable lexical errors and awkward word choices that cause some difficulty for the reader, such as writing 'employess' instead of employees, 'performent' instead of performance, and 'bussines' instead of business. Phrases like 'build my performent' or 'how become more confident on personality in carees' demonstrate basic lexical control and inappropriate collocations. While the general topic of hospitality and mentoring is conveyed, spelling and word choice inaccuracies prevent the response from achieving a higher band.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 5.0
The response features a very limited range of sentence structures, relying heavily on simple clauses strung together with commas rather than proper punctuation and subordination. There are frequent grammatical errors throughout the text, including missing auxiliary verbs ('I have been work', 'I really happy have'), incorrect prepositions ('on this place', 'on personality in carees'), and agreement issues. For example, 'there is good mentor behind' lacks a necessary article. These frequent errors disrupt the flow and can cause difficulty for the reader in parsing the intended meaning.
See this exact question answered at other band scores. The same prompt compared across bands.
Browse more IELTS Writing model answers or get your own writing scored by the same AI examiner.