Band 4.5 IELTS Writing Task 1 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 4.5 · Cambridge IELTS 21 · 2026-10-10

IELTS Writing Task 1 question

All new employees at your workplace have a mentor - an experienced colleague who gives them advice and support in their career. As a new employee, you have been given details of your mentor.

Write a letter to introduce yourself to your new mentor. In your letter

• give a brief outline of your previous studies and work experience

• explain what help you hope your mentor can give

• suggest arrangements for a first meeting with your mentor

You do NOT need to write any addresses.

Begin your letter as follows:

Dear....... ,

Student answer (Band 4.5)

To

Mr menetor

My name is yasir ali i am 24 year old i have recently completed my bscs in computer science in year 2026

now i am wiling to do jobe in your company i am very hard working student and i am very honest and sincere person recently i have make project for my fyp it is very unique and intresting i want to give little introduction about it basically i make smart building automation system with wifi mesh technology how it work for example if you are in your room and you want to turn on light the systm wil automaticly detact your motion and turn on light if you are not in your room the pir motion sensor detects it and turn off light

it wil reduce human effort it is very simple in looking but it contin mesh system if one system collaps it do not stop woring

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 3.5

You introduce yourself and provide relevant information about your computer-science studies and final-year project, so the reader learns something about your background. However, the letter does not address two central requirements: you do not explain what support you hope to receive from the mentor, or suggest a time and arrangement for a first meeting. Much of the response instead describes how your automation system works, which is not needed for this purpose. The opening is also incomplete and does not establish a suitable relationship with the mentor. To improve, briefly summarise your studies and any work experience, state specific career guidance you would value, and propose a meeting time or ask when the mentor is available.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 4.0

The response has a basic sequence: it introduces you, mentions your degree, and then explains your project. This gives the reader a general sense of the topic, but the ideas are crowded together in one long block and the progression does not follow the three requested points. The project explanation takes up most of the letter, while mentoring support and meeting arrangements are absent. Several ideas are joined with repeated forms such as “and” and “if,” making the explanation difficult to follow. Use separate paragraphs for your background, the help you seek, and the proposed meeting. Shorter sentences and clear links such as “In addition” and “Regarding our first meeting” would make the organisation easier to follow.

Lexical Resource: Band 5.0

You use some relevant technical vocabulary, including “computer science,” “automation system,” “wifi mesh technology,” and “motion sensor,” which helps communicate the project topic. However, the range is limited for a professional introductory letter, and several spelling errors or imprecise expressions make parts harder to understand, such as “menetor,” “wiling,” and “contin mesh system.” The detailed technical terms are also less useful here than vocabulary about career development and mentoring. Aim for accurate, natural phrases such as “career guidance,” “professional development,” and “relevant experience.” Proofreading spelling and choosing expressions suited to the letter’s purpose would make your meaning clearer and more appropriate.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 4.5

The response attempts to connect ideas in longer sentences, for example when explaining how the sensor turns lights on or off, but these structures are often difficult to control. Sentence boundaries and punctuation are largely missing, and clauses run together, as in “if you are in your room and you want to turn on light the systm wil…” There are also recurring problems with articles, agreement, and verb forms: “i am 24 year old,” “i have make project,” and “the pir motion sensor detects it and turn off light.” These errors sometimes make the relationships between actions unclear. Build accuracy with shorter complete sentences first, then practise joining them with correctly punctuated clauses and consistent verb forms.

See this exact question answered at other band scores. The same prompt compared across bands.

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