Band 4.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 4.5 · Cambridge IELTS 21 · 2026-10-08

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

Doctors tell us that we can get all the vitamins we need from having a healthy diet. Despite this advice, some people continue to spend large sums of money on vitamin pills.

Why do you think some people spend a lot of money on vitamin pills?

How could people be persuaded to improve their diet instead of buying vitamin pills?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Student answer (Band 4.5)

In this period of mordenity,many people belive that we need must take many typs of vitamins.Doctora tell us thatvitamins need for healthy diet.but some people spend a lit of money on vitamin pills.

Howeuer,i strongly belive that,vitamin is need for our health,buy huge amount of pills very bad effect our body.I explan why some people spend a lot of moneyon vitamin pills.and how could people be buy to imporove thier diet instead of buying vitamin pills.and my poinion will be discussed in further paragraphes with a suitable conclusion.

Firstly,some people think vitamin is good for thier health.when they weak than they think they needs some vitamin.for example,hairfall is a big problem for most of the people.when they face this problem they think they needa spme vitamin.they do not take care thir reguiar food or healthy diet.they think vitamin is solution all type of problems.I think its a very big mistake.

Secondly,some vitamin company provide some colour full add.people show this add in the online such as,some page live show thier vitamin pills.they talk use this vitamin your body, nails and hair is good.Its a big fack news.this news is very hearmfull our body.

In my opinion vitamin is good for our health but spend a lot of money no need.it has a big side effect.

In cocculacion,vitamin is need for

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 4.0

You make an attempt to address both questions: you suggest that people buy pills when they feel weak or experience hair loss, and you mention colourful online advertisements as an influence. However, the response only minimally develops these points, and the second question is not answered with practical ways to persuade people to improve their diets. The statement that pills can have harmful effects is asserted rather than explained or supported. Your position is also unclear: you say vitamins are needed for health, but then argue that spending money on them is unnecessary. The response is 30 words below the required minimum, which limits the space available to explain and support your ideas. Develop each answer with a clear reason and a relevant example.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 4.5

There is a basic attempt to organise the response into an introduction, two body paragraphs and a conclusion. The sequence from personal health concerns to advertising gives the reader some sense of progression, and “Firstly” and “Secondly” signal the two reasons. However, the introduction repeats the task and promises a discussion without clearly setting out the main points. The conclusion is unfinished (“In cocculacion, vitamin is need for”), so the response has no completed ending. Several sentences are joined with full stops or commas in ways that make the relationships between ideas unclear, and transitions such as “In my opinion” do not resolve the shift in your position. Use a clear paragraph plan, link each example directly to its point, and complete the conclusion.

Lexical Resource: Band 4.5

Your vocabulary is basic and often repetitive, with frequent spelling errors that sometimes make the reader work to understand the message. Words such as “vitamin,” “good,” and “problem” recur, while phrases including “big fack news” and “colour full add” are not expressed naturally. You do make relevant attempts to discuss health and advertising, for example “healthy diet,” “hairfall,” and “side effect,” but word choice and spelling are not controlled enough for these ideas to be communicated smoothly. Build a small set of accurate topic phrases and check spelling carefully. More precise expressions such as “nutritional deficiencies,” “misleading advertisements,” and “balanced diet” would help you explain your points clearly without relying on repeated general words.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 4.5

The response relies mainly on short, simple statements, with a few attempts to connect ideas using “when” and “but.” Frequent errors in sentence structure, verb forms, agreement, articles and punctuation make several sentences difficult to follow. For example, “when they weak than they think they needs some vitamin” lacks a verb in the first clause and has incorrect agreement in the second; “vitamin is need for our health” also has an incorrect verb form. Some sentences run together, as in the opening, where full stops and commas do not clearly separate complete ideas. Practise accurate simple sentence patterns first, then add controlled clauses with “because,” “when” and “so.” Proofread for complete verbs, subject–verb agreement, articles and sentence boundaries.

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