Band 4.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer
Overall Band Score: 4.5 · Cambridge IELTS 13 · 2026-09-18
IELTS Writing Task 2 question
Some people believe that nowadays we have too many choices.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Student answer (Band 4.5)
Some people think that there are many path ways to achieve their goal like business. I strongly agree with the notion that is some people believe that nowadays to many choices to achieve their goal in their difficult life.
On the one hand, many people think that there are many path ways to run their business but they don't no how the new businessman take the risk of the money and open the shop like mobile shop, if businessman invest their money in mobiles and electronics items and the income of the shop is not enough for their shop expense like rent and electricity then new businessman prefer to close there shop and then he or she think to open new shop and again they follow the same mistake.
On the other hand, if a experienced businessman open there shop of mobile and electonic items and also the experienced businessman getting loss on their business then the businessman prefer to advertise their shop and the electronics items like giving discount on minimum purchase 10 thousand and giving phone in zero percent emi rate after then the income of the shop rising this is the strategy and smartwork of the new businessman to run their business and following like these strategy the bussinessman extend their branches to state or a country.
In conclusion, many new businessman think to open their business but after getting loss in their business they prefer to close their shop apart from that if experienced businessman getting loss in their business they advertise of their items and giving discount to their customers.
AI examiner evaluation
| Criterion | Band |
|---|---|
| Task Achievement / Task Response | 5.0 |
| Coherence and Cohesion | 4.0 |
| Lexical Resource | 4.0 |
| Grammatical Range and Accuracy | 4.0 |
| Overall | 4.5 |
Task Achievement / Task Response — Band 5.0
The response addresses the prompt in a basic manner by discussing whether people have too many choices to achieve their goals, focusing specifically on starting businesses. However, the development of ideas is limited and repetitive. The introduction states a position agreeing with the prompt, but the supporting arguments regarding mobile shop owners taking risks and facing losses are somewhat confused and lack broad exploration of the central theme. While the response presents relevant ideas about business strategy, these ideas remain under-developed and are occasionally obscured by convoluted phrasing, such as discussing how a new businessman repeats the same mistake versus how an experienced businessman advertises. Consequently, the task response falls into the Band 5 category as it addresses the prompt partially with limited and repetitive idea development.
Coherence and Cohesion — Band 4.0
The essay uses basic paragraphing with an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the overall progression of ideas is hindered by repetitive phrasing and a lack of clear logical flow. Cohesive devices are minimal, mechanical, and occasionally inaccurate, such as starting body paragraphs with 'On the one hand' and 'On the other hand' without presenting genuinely contrasting arguments about choices. Furthermore, referencing is frequently unclear; for example, pronouns like 'he or she' and 'they' are used ambiguously, making it difficult to follow whether the writer is referring to a specific business owner or business owners in general. The lack of smooth transitions between sentences results in a choppy and disjointed reading experience, aligning the text with the Band 4 descriptor for organisation.
Lexical Resource — Band 4.0
The vocabulary used throughout the essay is basic, repetitive, and often inaccurate, which significantly strains the reader. The student frequently repeats words such as 'business', 'businessman', 'shop', 'loss', and 'choices' without employing a varied lexical resource. There are also notable word-choice and collocation errors, such as 'path ways' instead of 'pathways' or 'options', 'no' instead of 'know', and awkward phrases like 'risk of the money' and 'zero percent emi rate'. The range of vocabulary is limited and minimally adequate for conveying basic intent, but frequent lexical errors and a lack of less common items restrict the score to Band 4.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy — Band 4.0
The essay demonstrates a very limited range of grammatical structures, relying heavily on long, run-on sentences connected by coordinating conjunctions like 'and' or 'but' rather than controlled complex structures. There are frequent grammatical errors throughout the text, including tense inconsistencies, subject-verb agreement issues (e.g., 'businessman getting loss'), missing articles, and punctuation flaws. Many sentences are overly convoluted and lack structural clarity, which frequently impedes communication and forces the reader to guess the intended meaning. For example, the sentence beginning with 'On the other hand, if a experienced businessman open there shop...' contains multiple foundational errors. These persistent issues place the response firmly in the Band 4 category for grammar.
See this exact question answered at other band scores — the same prompt compared across bands.
Browse more IELTS Writing model answers or get your own writing scored by the same AI examiner.