Band 4.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 4.5 · Cambridge IELTS 13 · 2026-09-18

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

Some people believe that nowadays we have too many choices.

To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Student answer (Band 4.5)

Some people think that there are many pathways to achieve their goal like business. I strongly agree with the notion that is some people believe that nowadays to many choices to achieve their goal in their difficult life.

On the one hand, many people think that there are many pathways to run their business but they do not know how the new businessman takes the risk of the money and open the shop like mobile shop, if businessman invest their money in mobiles and electronics items and the income of the shop is not enough for there shop expense like rent and electricity then new businessman prefer to close there shop and then he or she think to open a shop and again they follow the same mistake.

On the other hand, if a experienced businessman open there shop of mobile and electronic items and also the experienced businessman get a loss on their business then the businessman prefer to advertise their shop and the electronics items like giving discount on minimum purchase 10 thousand and giving phone in zero percent emi rate after then the income of the shop rises this is the strategy and smartwork of the new businessman to run their business and following like these strategy the businessman extend their branches to state or a country.

In conclusion, many new businessman think to opens there business but after getting loss in their business they prefer to close their shop apart from that if experienced businessman getting loss in their business they advertise of their items and giving discount to their customers.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response — Band 5.0

The response attempts to address the prompt regarding whether we have too many choices nowadays, but it misinterprets the core premise, framing the discussion almost entirely around business risks and strategies. While the prompt asks about choices in life generally, the student focuses narrowly on opening shops and dealing with financial losses. The position is stated in the introduction, but the supporting arguments are repetitive and lack adequate development of the broader societal topic. Ideas tend to circle back to the same points about business failure and advertising without deep elaboration. Therefore, the response falls into the Band 5 descriptor, where the task is addressed only partially and ideas are limited.

Coherence and Cohesion — Band 5.0

The text is divided into four paragraphs, which provides a basic structural framework including an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the logical progression is weak. Transition phrases such as 'On the one hand', 'On the other hand', and 'In conclusion' are used, but they mechanically link ideas that lack clear, logical continuity. Cohesive devices are frequently misused or repetitive, particularly the phrase 'businessman' and various pronoun references that create confusion about who is taking the risk. Paragraphing is attempted, but internal cohesion is faulty, placing the response firmly at Band 5.

Lexical Resource — Band 4.0

The vocabulary used is very basic and repetitive throughout the essay. Words like 'business', 'businessman', 'shop', and 'money' are excessively reused. There are frequent word choice and collocation errors, such as 'takes the risk of the money' instead of 'financial risk', and 'get a loss' instead of 'suffer a loss'. The student attempts some collocation with 'smartwork' and 'discount', but the limited range and noticeable errors in word formation (e.g., 'there shop expense' instead of 'their shop expenses') restrict the score to a Band 4.0, as vocabulary is basic and repetitive.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy — Band 4.0

The essay displays a very limited range of grammatical structures. Most sentences are overly long, run-on structures joined by coordinating conjunctions like 'and' or 'but' without appropriate punctuation. There are frequent grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement issues (e.g., 'new businessman take'), incorrect pluralisation (e.g., 'electronics items'), and pronoun confusion (switching between singular and plural). These errors are frequent and often cause difficulty for the reader, obscuring the intended meaning, which aligns with the Band 4 descriptor.

See this exact question answered at other band scores — the same prompt compared across bands.

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