Band 4.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 4.5 · Cambridge IELTS 14 · 2026-10-16

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations.

Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

 

Student answer (Band 4.5)

To begin with , there are several reasons why this shortage of money is important in our daily life . The main reasons is that not satisfying factory in job can have dircet people on society . Many people face this challenge in their daily live , it can influenced their lifestyle in different way . For example may this city darson factory , Service factory , GS fan factory but other people job holder end of the month recieved the shortage salery . In my opinion other people opend the small business which hard work but better then job in factory . In addition young people and opend the business can also be influenced by this situation . The important point is that factory job can have both positive and negative effects . It mainly depend new business and new skills young people achieve the goal by this situation .

Moreover opend the small business some possible way to improve the situation . The government diferent opportunity young people play an important role by providing and supports . For instance , Simple business and better awareness can help people make better choices .

In conclusion , new business opened difficult but hard work some way possible . The factory job problem is important that should not be ignored . Every people hard work and different phasess clear and secure the future . If people which work togather , negative effect can be reduced way to improve the situation . In my opnion the factory job and not the secure future .

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 4.0

The response touches on the topic of accepting an unsatisfactory factory job versus trying to improve one’s circumstances, and it gives a personal view that starting a small business may be preferable. However, it responds only minimally to the instruction to discuss both views: the case for accepting a difficult situation is not explained, and the benefits or risks of trying to change it are only briefly mentioned. Points such as “factory job can have both positive and negative effects” and “new business” are not developed with clear reasons or relevant examples. The position is also difficult to follow, especially in the conclusion. To strengthen the response, explain each viewpoint separately, support each with a specific example, and state a consistent opinion about which approach is better.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 4.0

There is an attempt to organise the response with an opening paragraph, a paragraph beginning “Moreover,” and a conclusion marked “In conclusion.” These signals give the reader some indication of the intended structure. However, ideas within and between paragraphs are not arranged coherently, and the relationships between claims are often unclear. For example, the factory examples, the suggestion to open a business, and the reference to government support appear without a clear sequence or explanation of how they connect. Linking phrases such as “In addition” and “For instance” are used, but they do not consistently make the argument easier to follow. Build one paragraph around each view, use clear topic sentences, and connect each example directly to the point it supports.

Lexical Resource: Band 4.5

The response uses some topic-related vocabulary, including “shortage of money,” “small business,” “government,” “opportunity,” and “negative effects,” so the general subject can be recognised. However, the vocabulary is basic and often repetitive, while inaccurate word choices and spelling make several ideas difficult to understand. Phrases such as “not satisfying factory,” “shortage salery,” and “secure the future” do not express the intended meaning clearly. There are also repeated forms such as “opend the small business.” Aim to use more precise, natural expressions for employment and financial hardship, and check spelling and word forms carefully. For example, “unsatisfactory job,” “low salary,” and “improve their prospects” would communicate these ideas more clearly.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 4.5

The response attempts some sentence variety, including a conditional structure in “If people which work togather, negative effect can be reduced,” and uses simple statements to present opinions. However, grammatical control is inconsistent, and frequent errors sometimes distort meaning. Examples include “The main reasons is,” “it can influenced their lifestyle,” and “It mainly depend,” where agreement or verb forms are incorrect. Sentence boundaries and punctuation are also unreliable, as seen in the long opening passage joined by commas. Work on forming complete sentences with a clear subject and verb, matching subjects and verbs, and using correct verb forms after modal verbs. Practising accurate simple sentences before adding subordinate clauses will make the argument easier to understand.

See this exact question answered at other band scores. The same prompt compared across bands.

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