Band 6.0 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 6.0 · Cambridge IELTS 14 · 2026-09-02

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Student answer (Band 6.0)

From my point of view, music can bring people with different cultures together and the vast majority of will interact with each other.

First of all, music is supposed to bring joy and fullfilment in our life, as well as a good state of mind and positive feeling. When the music starts, the mind relaxed and the endorphins are secreted, and the mood level is raising up. So, if music can impact biology by making people to feel better all alone, why it will be different when there are another people from different cultures around. With all that i mentioned upward, we can assume that people from another countries/cultures will be more tented to interact with each other and bring them togethere. In my country there's a proverb which says 'kill the war with music'. So, even even there is a rasial hating between them, music can make them to be closer.

In the other hand, when the music and good vibe are there, people tend to dance, and obviously they'll need a partner to do that, so they search for one. Also, as a matter of fact, we tend to search a new partner which it's not familiar with us because, we as a people want to explore more and every thing that is new it's also more captivating than the familiar ones. As an example, I saw this kind of interactions at the festivals. There are a lot of people from various parts of the world with different cultures. As they start to feel comfortable, they'll socialize with each other.

To conclude everything that I said, I'll strongly say that music kills war as well as bringing people together.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response — Band 6.0

The response addresses the prompt by expressing a clear position in favor of music as a unifying force. However, the development of ideas is somewhat superficial. While you mention biological impacts and social interactions at festivals, the arguments lack depth and rely on generalizations. For instance, the claim that music 'kills war' is a strong assertion that requires more nuanced supporting evidence to be fully convincing. To reach a higher band, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a distinct, well-explained point that directly supports your thesis, rather than repeating the same sentiment in different ways.

Coherence and Cohesion — Band 6.0

The essay is organized into paragraphs, which helps the reader follow the progression of your argument. However, the use of cohesive devices is often mechanical or slightly unnatural, such as 'With all that i mentioned upward' or 'To conclude everything that I said'. Some transitions between sentences are abrupt, and the logical flow within paragraphs could be improved by using a wider variety of linking words. Referencing is occasionally unclear, particularly when you use pronouns like 'them' without a specific antecedent, which can cause minor confusion for the reader.

Lexical Resource — Band 5.5

You demonstrate an adequate range of vocabulary for the task, using words like 'fulfillment', 'endorphins', and 'captivating'. However, there are several instances of awkward word choice and collocation errors, such as 'rasial hating' (racial hatred), 'mood level is raising up' (mood improves), and 'tented to interact' (inclined to interact). These errors occasionally impede the precision of your argument. To improve, focus on learning common collocations and ensuring that your word choices are contextually appropriate for an academic essay.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy — Band 5.5

The essay contains a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, but there are frequent grammatical errors throughout. Common issues include subject-verb agreement ('the vast majority of will interact'), incorrect preposition usage, and awkward phrasing ('making people to feel better'). Punctuation is also inconsistent, particularly with comma usage and the capitalization of 'i'. While these errors do not completely prevent the reader from understanding your message, they are frequent enough to lower the overall score. Focusing on basic sentence construction and proofreading for subject-verb agreement would be highly beneficial.

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