Band 5.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 5.5 · Cambridge IELTS 14 · 2026-10-21

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Student answer (Band 5.5)

Some members of the society believe that the best way of gathering individuals from different cultures and age groups together is through music. This essay agrees with the notion that how people from different cultural backgrounds can be brought together through music. Individuals of various age groups and with diverse cultural differences are gathered through musical means and the main reason for this is when artists from music industry of different nations collab and make unique musical tones or songs then the people from both nations are prone of gathering.

Furthermore, due to many cultural events in various immigrants countries the individuals can exchange knowledge in terms of music and other factors.

When people from different culture, traditions and civilisation share their musical art and specially the artists from the musical industries are a great source of bringing people together through music. We are able to observe that when artists from different parts of the world collab and make music together than their nations are likely to be interested by this music. For instance, when a Pakistani musical artist Hassan Raheem and Talwinderr from India collabed and made a masterpiece and as a consequence the citizens of both these countries were seen together enjoying this music so it is clear that the artists bring people together.

In different parts of Europe, the poeple living their are mostly immigrants and the people from third world or second world countries. When cultural events are held in such parts of the world then people from various cultural backgrounds and diverse traditions differing from eachother can be seen together enjoying these musical concerts or events.

For example, i would love to share when i attented a Korean-Pakistani music festival in my hometown i was surprised to see that people love music from different countries quite alot. There were individuals from many nations which i saw and appreciated.

Consequently, when artists from different nations collab in the music industries and make different musics together then their nations are most likely to show togetherness and unity. Music brings people together of different backgrounds and cultures and most importantly the elderly people are brought together through music. Different musical festivals and concerts should be held in every part of the world and musical artists from different countries should be invited to expand music culture and bring people together.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 6.0

Your position is clear: you agree that music can bring people of different cultures and ages together, and you support this with examples of international collaborations and a Korean-Pakistani festival. These examples are relevant and help address the question. However, the discussion focuses much more on cultural differences than on age groups; the claim that “the elderly people are brought together through music” is introduced only at the end and is not explained or illustrated. Some points also repeat the idea that artists’ collaborations unite their nations, rather than developing distinct reasons. To strengthen the response, explain how shared musical experiences connect generations and develop each main reason with a clear explanation or example.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 5.5

The response has an overall structure, moving from an introduction to supporting paragraphs and a concluding recommendation. The examples are generally placed near the ideas they illustrate, which helps the reader follow the argument. However, progression is weakened by repetition: the point about artists from different countries collaborating appears in the opening, the third paragraph, and the conclusion. Some links are also unclear or mechanical, such as “Furthermore” introducing a point that is not fully connected to the previous one, and “Consequently” repeating rather than drawing together the argument. Improve paragraph focus by giving each body paragraph a distinct purpose, and use clearer references and transitions to show how each example supports that paragraph’s main idea.

Lexical Resource: Band 5.5

You use a range of topic-related vocabulary, including “cultural backgrounds,” “musical festivals,” “traditions,” and “togetherness and unity,” so the subject is communicated clearly. There are also attempts at more specific phrasing, such as “exchange knowledge” and “musical art.” However, several word choices and collocations are inaccurate or unnatural, including “prone of gathering,” “different musics,” and “show togetherness.” Spelling errors such as “poeple,” “attented,” and “eachother” also reduce accuracy. Aim for natural combinations such as “are likely to come together,” “different kinds of music,” and “demonstrate unity.” More precise vocabulary would also help distinguish cultural connection from intergenerational connection.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 5.5

You attempt both simple and complex sentence forms, including clauses beginning with “when” and “as a consequence,” and your meaning is generally understandable. Some sentences, however, contain several grammatical errors that make the relationships between ideas less clear. For example, “when artists … collab and make … then the people … are prone of gathering” has problems with clause structure and verb patterns; “the people living their are mostly immigrants” also has an incorrect construction. There are errors in agreement, articles, and sentence boundaries, as in “people from different culture” and the long opening sentence. Work on building shorter, controlled sentences first, then check subject–verb agreement, plural forms, and the structure of conditional or time clauses.

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