Band 6.0 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 6.0 · Cambridge IELTS 11 · 2026-11-12

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

Some say that the most important thing about being rich is that one has the opportunity to help others. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

 

Student answer (Band 6.0)

People argue that the most advantageous perk of being wealthy is the ability to extend help to others. This essay strongly disagree with the statement because people tends to be selfish when they attain abundance and they believe that they need to save more for the future than giving their treasures to others.

Selfishness is something that is innate to every human being and majority of people who have attained prosperity have worked hard in order to achieve that success. Therefore, they believed that they should experience the comfortability and luxury they deserved since they have climbed up the heavens just to be in the pedestal. Furthermore, they think that everyone should also work hard and not rely with the help of others in order to achieve great things. For example, most American families have this tradition, that once their children reached the age of 18 years old, should find their own success away from the support of their parents.

Another rationale why being rich doesn't equate to being generous, is due to the essence of uncertainty. In this world where inflation is very harsh to the lives of its people. It is with that reason that many refuses to share their blessings since they fear that they haven't saved enough for the future. Additionally, everyone should never stop saving since no one knows how much money will you pour when emergency situations rise. For example, according to research, a large proportion of wealthy asian families save endlessly which spans from generations to generations.

In conclusion, Being a billionaire doesn't mean that that person will also be kind and everyone should work harder to achieve comfortability in life without getting help from other people.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 6.5

Your position is clear from the introduction: you disagree that helping others is the most important benefit of wealth, and the conclusion returns to the idea that wealth does not guarantee kindness. Both body paragraphs offer relevant reasons—personal self-reliance and concern about future financial uncertainty—and examples help illustrate them. This meets the task well overall. However, the response does not fully explore what the most important benefit of being rich might be instead, and the claim that selfishness is innate is broad and not sufficiently qualified. The examples about American families and wealthy Asian families are also generalised, with limited explanation of how they prove your central point. Develop these ideas more precisely and acknowledge possible exceptions to strengthen the argument further.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 6.5

The essay has a clear overall structure: an introduction states your view, two paragraphs present separate reasons, and a conclusion restates your position. Sequencing expressions such as “Furthermore,” “Additionally,” and “In conclusion” make the progression easy to follow. This is a coherent arrangement, though some linking is mechanical and a few connections between claims need clearer explanation. For instance, the move from people working hard to the claim that they expect others to do the same could be made more explicit. The sentence beginning “In this world where inflation is very harsh…” is a fragment, which interrupts the flow into the next sentence. Use transitions that show the precise relationship between ideas, and ensure each paragraph develops one connected line of reasoning.

Lexical Resource: Band 6.0

You use an adequate range of vocabulary for the topic, including “attained prosperity,” “uncertainty,” “inflation,” and “emergency situations.” These choices show an attempt to move beyond basic wording, and your meaning is generally understandable. Some less common expressions are inaccurate or unnatural, however: “comfortability,” “climbed up the heavens,” and “in the pedestal” do not fit the intended meaning or collocate naturally. “Extend help” and “pour” money in an emergency are also awkward choices. Repeated use of “help,” “hard,” and “save” limits precision. Aim for natural collocations and more exact terms—for example, describe people as enjoying a comfortable lifestyle or building financial security—while keeping the language clear rather than overly figurative.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 5.5

You attempt both simple and complex sentence forms, including clauses introduced by “since,” “that,” and “which,” and the main argument remains understandable. However, some errors in agreement, verb forms, articles, and sentence construction prevent consistently accurate control. Examples include “This essay strongly disagree” and “people tends,” where the subject and verb do not agree, and “many refuses,” which has the same issue. “Once their children reached… should find” lacks a clear subject in the second clause. The opening “In this world where inflation is very harsh…” is a sentence fragment, while “no one knows how much money will you pour” has incorrect question-word order in an indirect clause. Check agreement and clause completeness, and vary complex structures while proofreading punctuation.

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