Band 5.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer
Overall Band Score: 5.5 · Cambridge IELTS 11 · 2026-08-27
IELTS Writing Task 2 question
Some say that the most important thing about being rich is that one has the opportunity to help others. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Student answer (Band 5.5)
There is an ongoing debate regarding personal happiness. A group of individuals believe that personal happiness depends upon a person's financial stability. However, others claim that it depends on many other factors. Therefore, ahead of my opinion ,both the views will be discussed further.
Examining the former opinion, the primary argument the supporters would put forward is if a person is having financial stability he/she can buy anything, and there will be no financial dependency on anyone while buying anything whether that thing would be an expensive or not. In addition, some people believe that if they can afford to fulfil their dreams from their own pocket that would also be a factor for personal happiness to them. For example, traveling around the world to explore new places, food, culture and to interact with new people that would be possible if you have money.
On the contrary, those in favour of the latter opinion have their own arguments. To begin with, they claim that personal happiness depends on purely other things like if you have strong relation with family and friends to express your emotions and feelings with them. Moreover, many other believe that social work can also be a source of personal satisfaction like to help others. For example, in our country edhi welfare centers are available by Abdul sattar edhi to help poor and orphan children to provide them shelter as well as education.
To conclude and offer my position, there are convincing
arguments both for and against the factors of personal happiness.However I certainly favour the latter opinion because family and friends are important in life to share with them and get support from them in the difficult phase of life.
AI examiner evaluation
| Criterion | Band |
|---|---|
| Task Achievement / Task Response | 5.5 |
| Coherence and Cohesion | 5.5 |
| Lexical Resource | 5.5 |
| Grammatical Range and Accuracy | 5.5 |
| Overall | 5.5 |
Task Achievement / Task Response — Band 5.5
The response addresses the prompt, but there is a significant mismatch between the introduction and the body paragraphs. The prompt asks about the importance of wealth in relation to helping others, yet your introduction and body paragraphs focus on 'personal happiness' and 'financial stability' in general. You only briefly mention helping others in the third paragraph. Because you did not focus on the specific relationship between wealth and the opportunity to help others, the task response is not fully developed. To improve, ensure your thesis statement directly mirrors the prompt's specific focus rather than shifting to a broader topic like general happiness.
Coherence and Cohesion — Band 5.5
The essay is organized into clear paragraphs, which helps the reader follow the structure. You use some cohesive devices such as 'On the contrary', 'To begin with', and 'Moreover'. However, the transitions between ideas are sometimes mechanical, and the logical progression is hindered by the shift in topic mentioned above. The conclusion is a bit abrupt and does not fully synthesize the arguments presented. To improve, focus on using a wider variety of linking words and ensure that each paragraph flows logically from the previous one, maintaining a consistent focus on the prompt's core question throughout.
Lexical Resource — Band 5.5
You have a sufficient range of vocabulary to convey your meaning, such as 'financial stability', 'dependency', and 'convincing arguments'. However, there are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation, such as 'ahead of my opinion' (which is non-standard) and 'the former opinion' (which is slightly awkward in this context). You also rely on some repetitive phrasing. To reach a higher band, try to incorporate more precise academic vocabulary and ensure that your collocations sound natural. For example, instead of 'having financial stability', use 'possessing financial security'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy — Band 5.5
The essay contains a mix of simple and complex sentence structures. While the meaning is generally clear, there are frequent grammatical errors, such as 'some people believe that if they can afford to fulfil their dreams from their own pocket that would also be a factor for personal happiness to them' (run-on/awkward structure) and 'many other believe' (should be 'others'). Punctuation is also inconsistent, particularly with spacing around commas and periods. To improve, focus on subject-verb agreement and refining complex sentence structures to ensure they are grammatically sound.
See this exact question answered at other band scores — the same prompt compared across bands.
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