Band 4.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 4.5 · Cambridge IELTS 11 · 2026-09-21

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

Some say that the most important thing about being rich is that one has the opportunity to help others. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

 

Student answer (Band 4.5)

yes i agree that ; being a rich that has an opportunity to help others . According to me and in my opinion no one is more lucky then those people who being a rich and help to other .I think that this a really hapiness and really kindness in the world . If you can see in our socitey there are few people who are rich and helping to the others . In now days we cann't help too poor people which causes increase in poverty in our socitey . When poverty is increases in socitey there are no happines in socitey and there is no calm in socitey . They lead to the many negative effect such as crime e.g muder , stollen and other crimes are causes in our socitey for money . if you see this thing in religon wise ; in islam teach us about to give zikat , fitrana ,and other donations give to the poor people to make eqaulity and make peace in our socitey . in my thinking some people believe that if they donate to poor people they loss her money and become poor but god says that in quran you donate your money to poor people i will pay back with intrust of ten times of your money but people beleave that but dont implimant that . I truley beleave that no more lucky then those people who being a rich and they help to other . In my opinion the people who being a rich they would help to other and make equality in socitey . Which in resultant peace in socitey and ratio of crime is generally decreases

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response — Band 5.0

The response addresses the prompt by discussing whether the most important aspect of being rich is the opportunity to help others, and a clear position is established throughout the essay. The writer attempts to develop ideas regarding poverty, crime, and religious perspectives such as giving zakat in Islam. However, many ideas remain underdeveloped, overly generalised, or repetitive, such as the frequent repetition of the phrase 'making peace in our society'. While the main argument is sustained, the lack of depth and detailed support places the response within the Band 5 descriptors, where the task is addressed, but ideas are limited and lack full elaboration.

Coherence and Cohesion — Band 4.0

The essay displays some basic organisation, dividing thoughts into introductory, body, and concluding sections. However, there is a lack of clear overall progression, and paragraphing is severely hindered by major formatting issues where multiple sentences are crammed together inappropriately. Cohesive devices are used very repetitively (e.g., 'if you see', 'in my opinion', 'in our society'), and referencing is frequently unclear, such as pronoun confusion ('her money'). Furthermore, punctuation is largely misused, making the logical transitions between sentences difficult to follow. These features correspond directly to Band 4, where information and ideas are not arranged cohesively.

Lexical Resource — Band 4.0

The vocabulary used is basic and repetitive, frequently relying on simple terms and suffering from word-form errors, such as 'rich that has an opportunity', 'hapiness', 'stollen' instead of 'stolen', 'religon wise', and 'intrust'. There is also unnatural collocation throughout the text, for example, 'causes in our society for money'. While the vocabulary is minimally adequate to convey the basic premise of helping the poor and reducing crime, the persistent spelling and word-choice errors strain the reader and reflect the Band 4 descriptor where vocabulary is basic and errors impede clear understanding at times.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy — Band 4.0

The grammatical range is extremely limited, relying heavily on basic, repetitive sentence structures ('I think that...', 'If you can see...', 'In my opinion...'). Attempts at complex sentences are consistently faulty, marred by severe grammatical errors, missing verbs, incorrect prepositions, and fragmented clauses (e.g., 'According to me and in my opinion no one is more lucky then those people who being a rich and help to other'). Punctuation is largely absent or misused, with frequent run-on constructions and misplaced semicolons. Because errors are frequent throughout and often distort meaning, the response fits the Band 4 criteria.

See this exact question answered at other band scores — the same prompt compared across bands.

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