Band 4.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 4.5 · Cambridge IELTS 11 · 2026-10-07

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

Some say that the most important thing about being rich is that one has the opportunity to help others. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

 

Student answer (Band 4.5)

Some people ask that the most important thing about being rich people is that one has the opportunities to help with each others. I agree this situations the rich prople wants to help with each other and take caring to needy people.

On the one hand, some individuals believe that the most important thing about being the rich people and these people wants to help with each other and fullfill the wishes the poor people.In my opinnion, the poor people wants to take acheivements and fullfill our dreams. For instance, my neighbours was very good people and they were rich and they provides all facilities to needy people in the form of money and groccery. They purchase groccery for needy people and gave these groccery products for poor people.

On the other hand, some people argue that the poor people wants to take our goals for hardworking. Hard working is important in your life and when they do hard working and acheived success in our live. In my opinnion, when you do hardworking and you make a good person and make a rich people. For example, my uncle is a doctor and he is very good person and he opens a healthcare center in my hometown and trust center related to our health for poor and needy people and these centers are free of cost. however, Certain people were not addmit in private hospitals and they decided go to trust centre.

In conclusion, certain individuals say that the most important thing about rich people and make different types of opportunities for poor and needy people. Some rich people were not help to each other and they collect money for our children that's wrong yet, they wants to help each other. Firstly, taking care of our neighbours and relatives.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 5.0

You address the topic and give examples of wealthy people helping those in need, including your neighbours providing groceries and your uncle opening a free healthcare centre. These examples are relevant, and your conclusion returns to helping others. However, the position is not consistently clear: you say “I agree” initially, but the discussion also shifts to the importance of hard work and becoming successful, without explaining how this relates to whether helping others is the most important benefit of wealth. Several ideas, such as rich people saving money for their children, are introduced but not developed. To strengthen the response, state your degree of agreement clearly and explain why this opportunity matters more than other benefits of being rich.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 4.5

The response has an introduction, two body paragraphs and a conclusion, and signposts such as “On the one hand” and “On the other hand” show an attempt to organise the discussion. However, the overall progression is difficult to follow because the paragraphs do not develop a clear contrast or connected argument. For example, the second body paragraph moves from poor people’s goals to hard work, then to your uncle’s healthcare centre, without clearly linking these points. Repeated references to “poor people” and “help each other” also make the writing feel repetitive, while “Firstly” in the conclusion introduces a point that is not explained. Plan one main idea per paragraph and use linking phrases to show the relationship between each example and your position.

Lexical Resource: Band 4.5

You use some topic-related vocabulary, including “needy people,” “facilities,” “healthcare center” and “free of cost,” so the reader can identify the general subject. However, the range is limited and several phrases are repeated, particularly “poor people” and “help with each other.” Some word choices or collocations are unclear, such as “take achievements,” “make a rich people” and “trust center related to our health.” Spelling errors, including “prople,” “opinnion,” “acheivements” and “groccery,” also reduce accuracy and can make reading less smooth. Build a bank of precise phrases for charitable support and practise checking spelling; for example, describe people as “provide financial assistance” or “support disadvantaged communities.”

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 4.5

You attempt both simple and longer sentences, and the examples show an effort to explain actions and outcomes. However, control is inconsistent, and errors in sentence structure, verb forms and agreement frequently make ideas difficult to follow. For instance, “my neighbours was” should use a plural verb, while “they provides” has incorrect subject–verb agreement. In “when they do hard working and acheived success in our live,” the verb forms and clause structure are not controlled. Articles and sentence boundaries also need attention, as in “make a good person and make a rich people” and the run-on transition before “however.” Practise building accurate simple sentences first, then combine them with clear clauses using “because,” “when” or “which.”

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