Band 6.0 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 6.0 · Cambridge IELTS 11 · 2026-10-08

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

Some say that the most important thing about being rich is that one has the opportunity to help others. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

 

Student answer (Band 6.0)

Many people argue that the opportunity to help people in needs is the most essential thing about being wealthy. I partically agree with the statement as money does open a path in which other people can walk upon however financial alone cannot make others people lives easier.This essay will further discuss my idea upon the statement.

Initially, it is true that money creates opportunities to for one to help other individuals. It makes it possible to buy necesisty for the poor and needy individuals. Like buying foods and drinks for homeless persones and help small business to grow by providing them with financial backups. Not only that but it also creates possibilities to contribute towards nature. For example, a popular american youtuber Mr.Beast and his charity has planted 100,000 trees in a deforestated land, practically reviving the whole ecosystem.

Despite all the opportunities, I personally think the intentions to help others heavily depends upon one's character and money alone cannot make other's life easier. In order for someone to be helped the needy person should first be able to utilize the help given properly. For instance, despite the financial aids provided by the state of california to the homeless individuals in that region, the numbers of homeless peoples have only been increasing. This is mainly because the homeless spend the capitals instead of utilizing it into a business.

In contrast, the saying that one person's wealth creates opportunities for others is only partically true. As it can potentially benifit the people,businesses or even the nature but for a long term benifits there should be equal participation from both sides.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 6.5

Your position is clear from the introduction: you partly agree that wealth matters because it creates opportunities to help, while arguing that money alone is insufficient. You address both sides with relevant examples, including support for people in need and the tree-planting project. This meets the task well, and the examples show some development. However, the second body paragraph’s claim that recipients must use help properly is not fully explained, and the California example does not establish that financial aid itself caused homelessness to increase. The conclusion also introduces “equal participation” without clarifying what participation means. To strengthen the response further, explain this qualification more precisely and connect each example directly to your central argument.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 6.0

The response has a recognisable structure: an introduction, two body paragraphs presenting different aspects of your view, and a conclusion. Transitions such as “Initially,” “Despite all the opportunities,” and “In contrast” help signal the direction of the discussion. Overall, the reader can follow your position. However, some links are mechanical or do not accurately describe the relationship between ideas. “In contrast” introduces a conclusion that largely restates your position rather than contrasting it, and the final paragraph is brief and adds an unexplained point about participation. Within the body paragraphs, develop clearer links between claims and examples. More precise referencing and a conclusion that synthesises the two arguments would make the progression smoother.

Lexical Resource: Band 5.5

You use vocabulary relevant to wealth and social support, including “financial aids,” “homeless individuals,” “contribute towards nature,” and “reviving the whole ecosystem.” These choices allow you to discuss several aspects of the topic, and some phrases show an attempt to use less common language. However, inaccurate word forms, spelling, and collocations are noticeable: “people in needs,” “buy necesisty,” “financial backups,” and “long term benifits” are not natural or correctly formed. Repetition of “opportunities,” “help,” and “money” also limits flexibility. Aim to learn common collocations as complete phrases and check spelling and word forms carefully; this will make your meaning more precise without requiring unnecessarily complex vocabulary.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 5.5

You attempt a mix of simple and complex structures, including a concession beginning “Despite all the opportunities” and a conditional idea about what a needy person should be able to do. Most of the argument remains understandable, but some grammatical errors affect clarity and control. For example, “money does open a path in which other people can walk upon” has an awkward relative construction, while “the intentions to help others heavily depends” has a subject–verb agreement problem. The sentence beginning “As it can potentially benefit…” is a fragment, and punctuation is missing in places, such as after “people” in “the people,businesses.” Practise complete sentence structures, agreement, and punctuation, while retaining your attempts at complex sentences.

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