Band 6.0 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 6.0 · Cambridge IELTS 11 · 2026-10-10

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

Some say that the most important thing about being rich is that one has the opportunity to help others. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

 

Student answer (Band 6.0)

Undeniabely, a section of humankind witnessed a paradigm shift in terms of helping. Considering this, a fraction of individuals believe that the most crucial thing about being is that one get the opportunity to help other people. This essay will not only discuss why i agree with the notion but the reasons for my inclination are articulated in trailed paragraph.

There are numerous reason to justify my view. Firstly, a person who born with silver-spoon can contribute particular part of their life. a person can provide some basic shelter to lower class family who have nothing for survive such as food and clothes. For instance, in kuwait, people are providing the two-third part of their salary to beggers for surviving. Another inducement is, people gained the happiness after assisting to other one. To elaborate, affluent people secured the satisfaction after giving some part in every corner of the world . Consequently, society can not be seems like poor and every people can live their life happily.

Furthermore, rich people can direcly impact on economic crises. if affluent people give some amount of wages to beggers or lower class people then they can utilize their money on particular thing like starting a small business. As a result, the economic growth might be skyrocketed and people have higher standard of living.To illustrate, in uganda, people are opened the business of tea stall and earn double amount of remuneration after collection from rich people. The last but not the least, rich people can initiate the foundation for human welfare. In some part of the world , people are suffering from chronic disease and they would not able to get proper treatment due to lack of funds. So, rich people can obtrain the oppurtunity for providing medicine and aids especially for handicap citizen.

To recapitulate, even though low class people can take the benefits by utilizing money on useless things like smoking and alcohol, i firmly argue that rich people have the chance to provide basic shelter, gained satisfaction and happiness, increased the economic growth and commence the human welfare.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 6.5

Your position is clear: you agree that wealth matters because it enables people to support others. You address this through several relevant points, including providing essentials, personal satisfaction, helping people start businesses, and funding medical care. The examples from Kuwait and Uganda also show an effort to support your claims. This meets the task well, and the range of reasons begins to extend the argument. However, some points are asserted rather than explained: for example, the claim that society will no longer seem poor, and the business example, need clearer links to how assistance produces wider benefits. The brief concession about money being used for smoking and alcohol is not developed. More precise explanation of these points would make the response more fully convincing.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 6.0

The response has a recognisable structure: an introduction, two body paragraphs presenting reasons, and a conclusion that restates your position. Sequencing words such as “Firstly,” “Furthermore,” and “To recapitulate” help readers follow the main stages. However, cohesion is sometimes mechanical, and connections between claims are not always clear. For instance, “Consequently, society can not be seems like poor” does not clearly follow from the preceding point about personal satisfaction. The second body paragraph also moves from economic growth to medical support without a clear transition explaining how these ideas relate. Use topic sentences to signal each paragraph’s focus, and connect examples explicitly to the claim they support. Clearer referencing and fewer formulaic transitions would improve the flow.

Lexical Resource: Band 5.5

You attempt a range of topic-related vocabulary, including “economic growth,” “standard of living,” “chronic disease,” and “human welfare.” These choices show an effort to discuss poverty and social support beyond basic terms. However, inaccurate word choice, collocation, and spelling are noticeable and sometimes make meaning less clear. Examples include “a section of humankind witnessed a paradigm shift,” “person who born with silver-spoon,” and “obtrain the oppurtunity.” Some expressions also sound unnatural, such as “the two-third part of their salary” and “the economic growth might be skyrocketed.” Aim for precise, natural combinations rather than unusually elaborate phrasing. Checking spelling and choosing familiar, accurate expressions will make your ideas easier to understand.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 5.0

You attempt both simple and more complex sentence forms, including clauses introduced by “who,” “if,” and “even though.” This gives the response some structural variety. However, errors in sentence construction and verb forms are frequent enough to affect clarity. For example, “a person who born” needs a correctly formed passive or relative clause, while “people are opened the business” uses an incorrect verb construction. Agreement and articles are also inconsistent, as in “There are numerous reason” and “a person can provide some basic shelter.” Capitalisation and punctuation need attention too, particularly at sentence beginnings and around full stops. Practise accurate basic clauses first, then build longer sentences while checking subject–verb agreement, articles, and verb forms.

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