Band 4.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 4.5 · Cambridge IELTS 11 · 2026-10-11

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

Some say that the most important thing about being rich is that one has the opportunity to help others. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

 

Student answer (Band 4.5)

From a lot of peoples perspactive about the significant thing of a man who is wealthy has the chance to assist needy. I don't agree with this statement due to the fact that almost everyones first priority is their family and people has became more concious about their future nowadays so they prefer to do savings for emergency purposes.

There are numerous cause behind disagreeing that the most important thing about being rich is that one has the opportunity to help others. One most important reason is that, a persons first priority is their family does not matter he or she is rich or not. So in my opinion, providing a good and soothing life is the significant thing to them. For instance, a well organized home ,

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 4.0

You state a clear disagreement and give a relevant reason: wealthy people may prioritise their family and save for emergencies. However, the response addresses the question only partially. The explanation that a “good and soothing life” matters to family members is not developed, and the example beginning “For instance, a well organized home” is unfinished. You do not explain whether helping others can still be an important benefit of wealth or compare it with other priorities. The response also contains 111 words, which is 139 words below the required minimum; 17 words copied from the prompt were excluded. Develop your position with specific explanations and complete examples, and address the question more fully.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 4.5

There is a basic attempt to organise the response: an opening paragraph states your position, followed by a paragraph introducing a reason. Linking phrases such as “due to the fact that,” “So,” and “For instance” show how you intend the ideas to connect. However, the progression is limited because the second paragraph repeats the central claim rather than extending it, and the example is left incomplete. The opening sentence is also difficult to follow, making the relationship between the topic and your opinion unclear at first. To improve, use a clear introduction, develop one main idea per paragraph, and ensure each example is completed and linked back to your argument.

Lexical Resource: Band 5.0

You use some vocabulary relevant to the topic, including “wealthy,” “assist,” “priority,” “future,” and “emergency purposes,” so the main subject is generally recognisable. However, the range is limited and several spelling or word-choice errors make the writing less clear, such as “perspactive,” “concious,” and “soothing life.” Some phrases are also unnatural, including “a lot of peoples” and “numerous cause.” Aim for accurate, natural collocations and check spelling carefully. For example, “people’s perspective,” “conscious,” and “many reasons” would express your intended meanings more clearly. Building a wider range of topic vocabulary would also help you explain financial security and family responsibilities precisely.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 5.0

You attempt both simple and more complex sentence forms, including a sentence with “due to the fact that” and another beginning “One most important reason is that.” However, control is inconsistent, and errors sometimes make the intended relationships difficult to understand. For example, “a persons first priority is their family does not matter he or she is rich or not” combines clauses without a clear grammatical connection; “people has became” also has incorrect subject–verb agreement and verb form. There are further problems with articles, plurals, and punctuation, as in “a well organized home ,”. Practise forming complete clauses, checking agreement and verb forms, and using punctuation to separate ideas.

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