Band 6.0 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 6.0 · Cambridge IELTS 11 · 2026-10-12

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

Some say that the most important thing about being rich is that one has the opportunity to help others. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

 

Student answer (Band 6.0)

In today's world being rich is one of the most priviledged thing. Few people believe that being rich gives a better opportunity to assist the people who are in need of help. The while pholanthropy is undeniably one of the most admirable and impactful uses of money, I disagree that it represent the single most important aspect of being rich, as personal financial security and individual freedom are just essential.

On the on hand, having surplus wealth provides an unprecendented capacity to create positive social change. Affluent individuals cann fund charitable foundations, establish educational scholarships and support medical research, directly improving the lives of thousands.

On the other hand, the primary and most practical value of wealth for most people lies in personal autonomy and family security. Substantial financial reserves eliminate the everyday anxiety of financial instability, ensuring immediate access to premier healthcare, superior education, and protection during unforeseen crises. Furthermore, wealth buys time granting people the liberty to pursue personal interests, travel, and choose career paths without the constant pressure.

In conclusion, while contributing to the welfare of others gives wea;th its highest moral value.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 5.0

Your position is clear: you disagree that helping others is the most important benefit of wealth, and you offer personal security and freedom as alternatives. The paragraph on philanthropy gives relevant examples, including scholarships and medical research, while the next paragraph explains healthcare, education, and career choice. However, the response addresses the task only partially because these ideas are brief and not fully explained; for example, it does not show why personal autonomy should rank above the opportunity to help others. The conclusion is also incomplete, ending after “highest moral value” without restating your full position. The response is 186 words, below the required 250, which limits the development and support of your argument. Extend each main point with explanation or an example and complete the conclusion.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 6.0

The response has a coherent overall arrangement: an introduction states your position, two body paragraphs present contrasting benefits, and a concluding paragraph begins to summarise the argument. The signposts “On the one hand” and “On the other hand” help readers follow the contrast, and the ideas within the second body paragraph progress from security to freedom. However, the conclusion is unfinished, so the overall progression does not reach a clear ending. Some linking is also mechanical, and the first body paragraph is very short compared with the second. Develop the paragraphs more evenly, use transitions that show the relationship between specific claims, and ensure the final paragraph completes the argument rather than stopping mid-thought.

Lexical Resource: Band 6.0

You use an adequate range of vocabulary for the topic, including “philanthropy,” “social change,” “financial instability,” “unforeseen crises,” and “personal autonomy.” These choices help express the contrast between charitable giving and private benefits. There are also attempts at less common or formal language, but several spelling and word-choice errors reduce accuracy: “priviledged,” “pholanthropy,” “unprecendented,” and “cann” appear in the response, while “premier healthcare” is not a natural collocation in this context. The phrase “the while” also appears to be an unintended word choice. Proofread spelling carefully and check collocations in a dictionary; choosing precise, natural expressions will make your vocabulary more effective without needing to make it more elaborate.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 6.0

You use a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, and several sentences communicate detailed ideas clearly. For example, “Substantial financial reserves eliminate the everyday anxiety of financial instability, ensuring immediate access…” uses a participial clause effectively, while “wealth buys time granting people the liberty…” attempts to extend the sentence with an additional idea. Some grammatical errors remain, though they rarely prevent understanding. In the opening, “one of the most priviledged thing” has an agreement and plural-form problem; “I disagree that it represent” needs subject–verb agreement; and “On the on hand” contains an incorrect construction. The final sentence is also incomplete, leaving the conclusion without a main clause. Review agreement, sentence completion, and punctuation, especially when joining several ideas in one sentence.

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