Band 6.0 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 6.0 · Cambridge IELTS 11 · 2026-10-13

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

Some say that the most important thing about being rich is that one has the opportunity to help others. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

 

Student answer (Band 6.0)

Affluent people has one of the best thing is that they can help needy with wealth such as invest money for society and education, and paying taxes properly. Although helping the poor can be one opportunity, I firmly disagree with this idea because there are other opportunities open with wealth among wealthy people.

There are several opportunities that can be accessible by wealthy people. One biggest opportunities is they can get higher quality education because they have the money to afford a degree from any reputed institution. They often send their children to abroad for higher education and career development where poor people can afford basic education. Another opportunity is accessing better treatment facilities which is not affordable by less affluent. With money, rich people can get advance treatment even some go foreign countries for treatment.

Additionally, wealthy people enjoy luxurious lifestyle because of their money and fame. By contrast, some affluent people are engaging on work that are beneficial for society and needy people. For instance, wealthy people invest their money on the development projects which can bring changes in society and may help in improving educational institution. Sometime rich people just ignore their responsibilities for the society and the people and busy in their own life. They just busy to enjoy their life and multiplying their wealth.

In conclusion, helping less affluent can be one of the opportunity rich people have, but they have other opportunities such as higher education, advanced treatment, and luxurious life with their wealth.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 6.5

Your position is clear: you disagree that helping others is the most important benefit of wealth, and the conclusion restates this view. You address the prompt with relevant alternatives, especially access to higher education, advanced medical treatment, and a luxurious lifestyle. The examples about sending children abroad and seeking treatment overseas help explain these points. However, the discussion of helping society is less fully connected to your argument: you mention investment in development projects, then say some wealthy people ignore their responsibilities, without explaining how this comparison supports your view of what is most important. To strengthen the response further, explain why your alternatives matter more than the opportunity to help others and develop each main point with a clearer consequence or example. The response already shows a clear position and relevant support, but some ideas need fuller development and sharper comparison.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 6.0

The essay has a recognisable overall structure: an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The progression from personal advantages such as education and healthcare to lifestyle and social responsibility is generally understandable. Linking phrases such as “Additionally,” “By contrast,” and “In conclusion” help signal the direction of the discussion. However, the contrast in the third paragraph is not fully clear: “wealthy people enjoy luxurious lifestyle” is followed by “some affluent people are engaging on work” for society, so the relationship between these ideas needs to be explained. Some connections also feel mechanical, and references such as “they” can point to either rich people or their children. Use clearer topic sentences and explicit links between each example and your central argument to make the progression more consistent.

Lexical Resource: Band 6.0

You use an adequate range of vocabulary for the topic, including “affluent,” “higher education,” “treatment facilities,” “development projects,” and “responsibilities.” These choices allow you to discuss both personal benefits and social contributions, and the meaning is generally clear. You also attempt less common expressions, but some word choices and collocations are inaccurate or unnatural, such as “one biggest opportunities,” “get advance treatment,” and “multiplying their wealth.” “Poor people can afford basic education” appears to reverse your intended meaning, which affects precision. Aim for more natural combinations and check that each phrase expresses the intended contrast. More precise vocabulary, rather than repeated use of “opportunity” and “wealthy people,” would make the argument clearer and more flexible.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 5.5

You attempt a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, including a concessive opening with “Although” and a relative clause in “projects which can bring changes in society.” Most ideas remain understandable, but some errors in agreement, articles, and verb forms reduce accuracy. For example, “Affluent people has” should use a plural verb, while “one of the best thing” needs a plural noun and a clearer construction. In “some affluent people are engaging on work that are beneficial,” the verb pattern and agreement are faulty. There are also incomplete constructions such as “They just busy to enjoy their life.” Review subject–verb agreement, article use, and complete verb phrases, then proofread each sentence. Greater control of these patterns would make your varied sentence attempts more effective.

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