Band 4.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 4.5 · Cambridge IELTS 11 · 2026-10-16

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

Some say that the most important thing about being rich is that one has the opportunity to help others. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

 

Student answer (Band 4.5)

Some thinks that the valuable thing to become a high class person is that we should help the needy people.I will discuss both points in this essay.

On the one hand, there are several reasons why should people help others. The main reason is equality. When people help the other then it is a good thing to improve our society and people lives that are belong to us. The second main reason is opportunity. All of us can do job and makes our life easy. For example, if a person need work and go to a company for job interview. Next person give job to that person. The boss not only give the jib even give a chance to improve is skills and make themselve a rich person in future.

On the other hand, some people just helps other with some money and things. This is just use for a time and after it he came to his previous condition.

So, i think it is not important that how much you are rich while important thing is that how much you helps other.

In conclusion, both points are okay but the main main point is that people should help each other by getting job and give the opportunity to show their talent and skills.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 4.5

You address the topic by arguing that helping others is more important than simply being rich, and your example of offering someone a job is relevant to the value of opportunity. However, the position is not fully clear at the start: “I will discuss both points” suggests a balanced discussion, while the conclusion says helping others matters most. The ideas are also limited and under-developed. For instance, you mention equality but do not explain how helping creates it, and the point about giving money is not connected clearly to your overall argument. The response is also below the required 250 words, which limits how fully you can explain and support your ideas. State your position directly and develop each reason with explanation and a specific example.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 5.0

The response has a basic paragraph structure, with an introduction, two body paragraphs and a conclusion, and signposts such as “On the one hand” and “On the other hand” help identify the sections. However, the overall progression is not always clear. The opening promises to discuss “both points,” but the essay does not define these points, and the second body paragraph’s claim about temporary financial help is not clearly linked to the first paragraph’s discussion of opportunity. Some linking is repetitive or awkward, including “The main reason” followed by “The second main reason.” Use a clearer sequence in which each paragraph develops one distinct reason, and use referencing and transitions to show how examples support the main position.

Lexical Resource: Band 4.5

Your vocabulary is sufficient to communicate the general topic, with relevant terms such as “equality,” “opportunity,” “society,” and “skills.” However, the range is basic and repetitive, and several word choices or collocations make the meaning less natural. For example, “high class person” does not clearly express becoming wealthy, “help the needy people” is less natural than “help people in need,” and “people lives that are belong to us” is difficult to interpret. There are also spelling and word-form errors, such as “jib” and “themselve.” Aim for precise, natural phrases and avoid repeating “help” and “people” where possible. Learning collocations related to wealth, employment and social support would make your argument clearer.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 4.5

You attempt both simple and longer sentence forms, including a conditional example beginning “if a person need work,” but grammatical errors are frequent and sometimes make relationships between ideas difficult to follow. Subject–verb agreement is often inaccurate: “Some thinks,” “people just helps,” and “how much you helps” should use matching verb forms. Articles and sentence construction also need attention, as in “if a person need work and go to a company for job interview.” The sentence “The boss not only give the jib even give a chance” lacks correct verb forms and a clear parallel structure. Capitalisation and punctuation are inconsistent, including lowercase “i.” Practise accurate simple sentences first, then build longer sentences using correct agreement, articles and conjunctions.

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