Band 4.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 4.5 · Cambridge IELTS 11 · 2026-10-18

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

Some say that the most important thing about being rich is that one has the opportunity to help others. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

 

Student answer (Band 4.5)

In todays rapidly evolving world, the issue of being rich has sparked a considerable debate, with opnion divided on weather it is benifical or harmful. While the statement hold merit, Istrongly inclined to agree with the view that the most important thing about being rich is that one has the opportunity to help others. This essay will present the compelling reasons and real world examples in support of my perspective.

To begin with, the one of the core reason why I agree with the statement that many talanted people workhard to become rich but they did not got a chance because the are poor and needy so they want opportunity to become rich in future. As a result they need help from the other peoples. In addition, the other vital reason is that people they needed a jobs but they have no jobs, As a result, they wanted help from the other people to help and give them opportunity to become rich.

Furthermore, the another major reason is that the childerns of rich people donot workhard because they knew that they have a significant number of money so they can enjoy their life in useless activites and their parents give them opportunity to run their buisness.

In conclusion, through there are many reasons of the view that to being rich is that one has the opportunity to help others but their are some disadvantages, For example, through opportunity people are useless and get bored and after the help of others they become selfish. In my perspective, to become rich we can get both opportunity and determinationand government should help them.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 3.5

Your position is stated clearly: you agree that wealth matters because it creates opportunities to help others. However, the supporting points do not explain this claim consistently. The first body paragraph focuses on poor people needing help to become rich, and the next repeats the idea of providing jobs, rather than showing how a wealthy person can help others. The point about rich people’s children is also not clearly connected to the question. The conclusion introduces disadvantages and government help without resolving your main argument. The response is also 8 words below the 250-word minimum; the 28 words copied from the task prompt are not counted. Develop relevant examples of how wealth can support others and address the question’s focus more directly.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 4.5

The response has a recognisable essay structure, with an introduction, two body paragraphs and a conclusion. Sequencing phrases such as “To begin with,” “Furthermore,” and “In conclusion” help signal these stages. However, progression within paragraphs is weak: the first body paragraph moves from talented poor people to unemployment without clearly linking either point to your stated position. Connectors such as “As a result” are repeated, and the conclusion’s “through opportunity” does not make the relationship between ideas clear. Some references, including “they” and “them,” have uncertain antecedents. Use fewer formulaic transitions and make each paragraph develop one clear reason, with explicit links between the claim and its example.

Lexical Resource: Band 4.5

You attempt some topic-related and formal vocabulary, including “considerable debate,” “vital reason,” “significant number,” and “determination.” These choices show an effort to move beyond very basic wording. However, spelling errors are frequent, for example “opnion,” “weather,” “benifical,” “talanted,” and “childerns,” and several phrases are unnatural or imprecise, such as “the other peoples,” “a significant number of money,” and “useless activites.” Repetition of “opportunity,” “help,” and “people” also limits range. Build accuracy by checking spelling and learning common collocations, such as “a large amount of money” and “create job opportunities,” then use them in specific examples.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 4.5

You attempt a mixture of simple and longer sentences, including a concession in the introduction (“While the statement hold merit”) and a concluding sentence beginning “In my perspective.” This shows some effort to vary sentence forms. However, errors in agreement, verb forms, articles and sentence construction are frequent and sometimes make relationships difficult to follow. Examples include “the statement hold,” “the one of the core reason,” “they did not got a chance,” and “people they needed a jobs.” The final sentence also joins ideas without clear grammatical links. Practise building accurate subject–verb patterns and past-tense negatives (“did not get”), and check articles and plural nouns. Short, controlled sentences will help make your argument clearer before you add complexity.

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