Band 5.0 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 5.0 · Cambridge IELTS 11 · 2026-10-19

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

Some say that the most important thing about being rich is that one has the opportunity to help others. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

 

Student answer (Band 5.0)

Some people say that the most important thing about rich is that one who has the opportunity of help others. I strongly agree with this because the main advantage of being wealthy is being able to help others.

To begin with, Rich people must help the poor thatb are needy. Rich people contribute and spend money on manking schools and hospitals where poor people childrens got education and in hospital poor people got treatment. Rich people also gave employment to the poor people that they earn money for his family. Also rich people gave charity to the people who is needy for it. For example Ehdi Foundation is a wellfare trust that start in Pakistan to helps the poor peoples. Bill Gates build schools for the people who cant afford high fee.

Moreover, Rich people gave first priority to his family that his family got good education, wear well clothes and eat well they dont think about the poor. Rich people who gave importance to his family have no tension about the money. Rich people also travel in luxury cars and they start any business from zero without any hesitation because they know they are rich and have lot of money and also they dont need to do job. Also rich people can not be worried about his own bills and rents. They dont spend their life in poverty because they are finically strong and llives a comfortable life.

In conclusion, although helping others believe the most significent benefit of beign rich, I believe the most important thing is personal freedom and security.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 5.0

You give a clear overall view in the introduction, but the essay does not maintain it: the body first argues that wealthy people can help others, then focuses on family comfort, luxury, and financial security, while the conclusion says personal freedom and security matter most. This makes your extent of agreement difficult to identify. Several relevant examples are included, such as funding schools and hospitals and providing employment, but they are listed rather than explained, and the second body paragraph does not clearly compare these benefits with helping others. To strengthen the response, state whether you agree fully or partly, keep that position consistent, and explain how each example supports your judgement about what is most important.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 4.5

The response has an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion, and signposts such as “To begin with,” “Moreover,” and “In conclusion” help show the intended structure. However, progression within the essay is weak: the first body paragraph lists several ways rich people may help, while the second shifts to personal benefits without clearly linking that discussion to the question or to the first argument. Ideas are also crowded together, particularly in the long sequence about family, cars, business, bills, and poverty. Use topic sentences that make each paragraph’s purpose clear, group related points, and add explicit comparisons so the reader can follow how your reasoning leads to the conclusion.

Lexical Resource: Band 5.0

You use some vocabulary relevant to the topic, including “contribute,” “employment,” “charity,” “priority,” and “financially strong,” so the main subject is generally understandable. However, the range is limited and several word choices, forms, and spellings are inaccurate or repetitive, including “wellfare trust,” “significent,” “beign,” and repeated use of “rich people” and “poor people.” Some phrases are unclear, such as “the most important thing about rich” and “opportunity of help others.” Aim for more precise collocations and vary references to people and benefits. For example, use “wealthy individuals,” “support disadvantaged communities,” and “financial security”; check spelling and word forms carefully to reduce moments when the reader must interpret your meaning.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 5.0

You attempt both simple and longer sentences, and the overall meaning can usually be understood. However, the range is limited, and errors occur frequently in sentence structure, verb forms, agreement, articles, and plurals. Examples include “one who has the opportunity of help others,” “poor people childrens got education,” and “Rich people also gave first priority to his family.” These patterns make some relationships between ideas difficult to follow. Practise accurate clause structures, such as “wealthy people have the opportunity to help others,” and maintain consistent subject–verb agreement and pronouns. Also use punctuation to separate the many ideas in the second body paragraph; more controlled sentences will make your argument clearer.

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