Band 4.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 4.5 · Cambridge IELTS 11 · 2026-10-20

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

Some say that the most important thing about being rich is that one has the opportunity to help others. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

 

Student answer (Band 4.5)

In my poin of view we have to work hard to being a rich . We also help others in our life. Beacuse we cannot survive alone in this world.we have to halp others rather than being a selfish peoplke. when we do jobs for earning , basically we are trying to helping others . so helping others caN help us to become a rich . But this point have a little weight. This poin is not hundred percent help to become a rich person .

We have to help others , on the other hand we have to work for uorself also to being a rich person.we have to follow the rules and regulation of our lifes .we have to become punctual and regular . I agree at this point that is , we have to help others to being a rich.We have have to work for the others and spend money on poors . we have to spend money for the walfare of the needy peopkle. In this word the person who helped the others is considered the good or respecte person.all peoples in society like to talt that person who help the others. when we help the others , actually we are helping in ourself at some extent. iIn society needy peoples have the wright of help from rich person . we did not haveto proud of bing a rich person . We have to live a simple and pleasure life . We have to become a cause joyness of others .So, I agree at high extant to help others.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 5.0

You give a position, stating that you agree “at high extant” that helping others matters, and you include relevant points about supporting needy people and gaining respect in society. However, the response only partially addresses the central claim: it does not clearly explain whether helping others is the most important benefit of being rich, or compare this with other benefits. The opening also shifts to how hard work and helping others might make someone rich, which is not the main question. Ideas such as spending money on “the walfare of the needy” are relevant but remain general and are not supported with a specific explanation or example. Develop a consistent answer to the “most important” part and explain your reasons more fully.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 4.5

There is some organisation: the response begins with a general view, then discusses helping others and ends with agreement. However, the progression is difficult to follow because ideas about becoming rich, working for oneself, and helping the poor are mixed together rather than developed in distinct stages. Connectors such as “on the other hand,” “so,” and “when” are used, but they do not always show a clear relationship between the points; for example, the link between helping others and becoming rich is asserted rather than explained. The long second section also contains several separate claims without clear paragraph breaks. Group related ideas into paragraphs and use topic sentences and clearer references to guide the reader.

Lexical Resource: Band 4.5

You use a small range of topic-related vocabulary, including “selfish,” “punctual,” “society,” “needy,” and “welfare,” and the general meaning is usually recoverable. However, vocabulary is repetitive, especially “help others,” “rich,” and “person,” and several spelling and word-choice errors make parts harder to understand, such as “poors,” “respected person,” and “cause joyness.” Some phrases are not natural in this context, including “helping others to become a rich” and “the wright of help.” Aim for more precise expressions for the essay’s key ideas, and check spelling and collocations carefully. For instance, distinguish between helping people and the broader benefits or responsibilities associated with wealth.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 4.5

The response relies mainly on simple sentence patterns, with attempts to connect ideas using clauses such as “when we help the others” and “when we do jobs for earning.” These attempts show some range, but many sentences contain frequent errors that sometimes make the meaning difficult to follow. Examples include “we have to work hard to being a rich,” “we have have to work,” and “we did not haveto proud of bing a rich person.” There are recurring problems with verb forms, articles, agreement, and sentence boundaries; for example, “world.we” needs separation and capitalisation. Practise accurate patterns such as “work hard to become wealthy” and “we should not be proud of being rich,” then proofread each sentence for complete structure and punctuation.

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