Band 7.0 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 7.0 · Cambridge IELTS 11 · 2026-10-21

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

Some say that the most important thing about being rich is that one has the opportunity to help others. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

 

Student answer (Band 7.0)

It is often argued that the greatese advantage of weath is the ability to support other people.I largely agree with this view,although personal freedom and security are also significat benefits of being rich.

On the one hand, wealth provides a unique capacity to make apositive impact that goes far beyond individual needs.Rich individuals and families can fund charities, support education, and help those in poverty.For example, many wealthy pilanthropits donate o hospitals, build schools, or provide schlorships for poor students.Unlike people with average incomes, they can donatelage amount without affecting their own lifestyle.moreever,their help can be more sustainable, they can establish foundations or businesses that create jobs for hunderds of people.In this sense, the true value of money lies not in what it can buy for oneslt, but in what it can do for society.

On the other hand, it would be unealistic to say that healping others is the only or even the most important aspect for the rich person themselves.Financial security is arguably the primary motivation for most people to become wealthy.Being rich means not worrying about bills, medical expenses, or the futureof one's children.It also bring freedom, the freedom to travel, to pursue hobbies, and to have more control over one's time.For many, these personal benefits are more immediate and important than altrusim.

In conclusions, while personal freedom and security are the main practical advantages of weath from an individual's perspective, I agree to a large extent that from a moral and social prespective.A socity benefits most when the wealthy recongnize this responsibility.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 7.5

Your position is clear from the introduction: you largely agree that helping others is a major benefit of wealth, while recognising personal security and freedom. You address both the social and individual perspectives, and the examples of funding hospitals, schools, scholarships, and job-creating businesses extend your central argument. The conclusion also returns to your qualified position. This is a strong response to the task, though the balance could be sharpened: the second body paragraph explains why security and freedom matter to wealthy people, but does not fully compare these benefits with the opportunity to help others or explain why the latter is ultimately most important. A more explicit weighing of the two sides would make the argument more fully developed.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 7.0

The essay has a clear overall structure, moving from your position to the social benefits of wealth, then to personal benefits, and finally to a conclusion. The signposts “On the one hand,” “On the other hand,” and “In conclusions” make the progression easy to follow, and the examples are placed in the relevant paragraph. However, some connections are less smoothly managed. In the first body paragraph, “moreover” introduces a further point, but the following clause about sustainable help is joined with a comma rather than clearly structured. The conclusion’s shift to “from a moral and social perspective” is also abrupt and its relationship to the preceding contrast could be clearer. Use linking phrases selectively and make the comparison between the two perspectives explicit.

Lexical Resource: Band 6.0

You use an adequate range of topic vocabulary, including “financial security,” “philanthropists,” “sustainable,” “foundations,” and “altruism.” These choices help you discuss both charitable giving and personal advantages, and the meaning is generally clear. However, spelling and word-choice errors are noticeable, including “weath,” “donatelage,” “moreever,” and “recongnize.” There are also awkward or inaccurate expressions such as “a positive impact” written as “a positive impact” without spacing, and “the rich person themselves,” which is not a natural collocation. These slips do not prevent understanding, but they limit precision and control. Proofread carefully and check unfamiliar vocabulary and common collocations before using them.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 6.5

You attempt a mix of simple and complex structures, including the concession in “although personal freedom and security are also significant benefits” and the parallel infinitives in “to travel, to pursue hobbies, and to have more control.” Most ideas remain understandable, but some grammatical and punctuation errors persist. For example, “it would be unrealistic to say that helping others is the only or even the most important aspect for the rich person themselves” has a mismatch between the singular “person” and “themselves.” The sentence beginning “Moreover, their help can be more sustainable” joins two independent ideas with a comma, and several sentence boundaries lack spaces or full stops. The conclusion also contains an incomplete construction after “I agree to a large extent.” More accurate sentence boundaries and agreement would strengthen your control.

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