Band 4.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 4.5 · Cambridge IELTS 11 · 2026-10-23

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

Some say that the most important thing about being rich is that one has the opportunity to help others. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

 

Student answer (Band 4.5)

These days, many people are becoming more addicted to their business, and improve their lifestyles because a lot of people just looks their financial conditions, also properties background. I disagree with this statement however, this is one most important concept in our dally lives, but unfortunately we are staying out that is opportunity to help others. I will give you reasons that support my views.

Why I disagree with this statement because there are several reasons, one factors has caused in our environment, This is not one of the most important thing related to start rich is that has the chance to support others. Nowadays, a lot of people are becoming investments on other things like properties, businesses, and vehicles however, these are the one of the most opportunity to begin the rich persons. In addition, there are varities of ways to enhance the rich that is the number of income spend online platfroms such as social applications, and advertising.

Some say that the most important thing about begin rich is that one has the opportunity to help others, this is not true, this type of kindness to begin rich in our ethical character, and this is the one of the best source to happiness also peaceful in spiritual conditions. Many types of people like businessmen, middle class, these are support to different source for example charity, funding, and improve poor lifes careers.

To sum up, the concept of the most important thing about being rich is that to the chance to assessment poor people this was not true. The begin rich is that has the opportunity to invesmenst income on various organisations.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 4.0

You take a position against the claim, and the paragraph about charity, funding and helping people in poverty is relevant to the topic. However, the response only minimally addresses the question because it does not clearly explain what makes helping others less important than other aspects of being rich. The discussion of investments, property and online income focuses on how people become rich, rather than comparing the importance of wealth’s benefits. Your position is also difficult to follow: the opening says you disagree, but later you describe helping others as a source of happiness and spiritual peace. The conclusion introduces investing in organisations without developing that point. The response is 246 words, four words below the required minimum; 27 words copied from the prompt were not counted. Develop a consistent argument with specific explanations and examples.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 4.5

There is an attempt to organise the response into an introduction, two body paragraphs and a conclusion, and transitions such as “In addition” and “To sum up” signal stages in the essay. However, the overall progression is difficult to follow because ideas within paragraphs are not clearly connected. For example, the first body paragraph moves from environmental factors to property and vehicles, then to online advertising, without explaining how these points support your position on helping others. The second body paragraph appears to support the value of helping people, which conflicts with the stated disagreement. Some linking phrases, including “Why I disagree with this statement because,” do not form clear connections. Give each paragraph one main purpose, use topic sentences, and make references and transitions clarify how each point supports your argument.

Lexical Resource: Band 5.0

You attempt vocabulary related to wealth and social support, including “financial conditions,” “investments,” “charity,” “funding,” and “spiritual conditions.” This gives the response some relevant topic language, but the range is limited and several choices or forms make meaning unclear. Phrases such as “begin rich,” “varities of ways to enhance the rich,” and “assessment poor people” are not natural or precise in this context. There are also noticeable spelling errors, including “dally,” “platfroms,” and “invesmenst,” which can distract the reader. Aim to use familiar words accurately before reaching for more complex expressions. For example, describe “ways to increase wealth” or “support people living in poverty,” and check spelling and word forms during revision.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 4.5

You attempt both simple and longer sentence forms, using connectors such as “because,” “however,” and “in addition.” Nevertheless, sentence structures are often faulty, and errors sometimes make the intended meaning hard to understand. In the opening, “many people are becoming more addicted to their business, and improve their lifestyles” does not maintain a consistent verb structure. The sentence beginning “Why I disagree with this statement because” is incomplete, while “one factors has caused” has a subject–verb agreement problem. Articles, plurals and sentence boundaries also need attention; for instance, “one of the most important thing” should use a plural noun, and several clauses are joined with commas where a full stop or clearer conjunction is needed. Practise building accurate complete sentences, then combine them into longer structures.

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