Band 6.0 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 6.0 · Cambridge IELTS 11 · 2026-10-25

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

Some say that the most important thing about being rich is that one has the opportunity to help others. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

 

Student answer (Band 6.0)

It is wisely said that if an individual becomes rich and powerful, the most crucial thing they can do is aid others.

I highly agree with the statement.

One of the most important thing about being rich would be that the person would have a beautiful opportunity to help others.Firstly, I believe that if the person becomes rich and helps poor people or low-waged people by providing financial-aid, it can help the people in many ways possible. For instance, they will be able to afford the food, shelter and can help children and their future generation can afford education. The wars will also be eradicated if people are healthy, educated, become better and have a better understanding of how things are taken care.

Secondly, it'd be a great help towards nation. The poverty could be decreased and if this happens then there might also be a probability that the suicidal rates would be decreased. The statistics would also be improved. It'd be a great contribution and help in increasing the GDP of a nation. Also, it would give them a kind of beautiful satisfaction and they can be kindful. Which would show that they have a helpful nature which would eventually help them in becoming a decent person. Also, as it is said, sharing is caring. The more people share, the more people would grow. For example, if people are financially stable, they can focus more on growing and developing the nation.

Conclusion - If people change their mindset and help other people in any way possible, our Earth could become more peaceful and more beautiful.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 6.5

Your position is clear from the opening: you strongly agree that helping others is a crucial benefit of wealth. You address several relevant effects, including access to food, shelter and education, reduced poverty, and possible benefits to national development. These examples support your view and show that you understand the task. However, some claims are asserted rather than explained: for example, the link between people being healthy and educated and wars being eradicated is not made clear, and the point about “statistics” is vague. To strengthen the response further, explain how each example demonstrates that helping others is the most important aspect of being rich, and develop the reasoning behind broader claims such as improved GDP or lower suicide rates.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 6.0

The response has an overall structure, moving from a clear position to two supporting paragraphs and a conclusion. “Firstly” and “Secondly” help signal the main points, and the examples generally follow the ideas they support. However, cohesion is sometimes mechanical, with repeated use of “Also,” and the second body paragraph combines national economic effects with the donor’s personal satisfaction without a clear transition. The sentence beginning “Which would show…” is also an incomplete continuation, making the relationship between ideas less clear. Organise each body paragraph around one central point, use referencing and transitions more selectively, and ensure that every sentence connects clearly to the one before it.

Lexical Resource: Band 5.5

You use some relevant vocabulary for the topic, including “financial-aid,” “poverty,” “GDP,” and “financially stable,” and the meaning is generally understandable. However, the range is limited by repeated general words such as “help,” “people,” and “beautiful,” while several expressions are inaccurate or unnatural. For example, “kindful” is not the appropriate word here, and “a beautiful opportunity” sounds overly informal for an academic essay. “The statistics would also be improved” is imprecise because it does not identify which statistics or how they would improve. Aim for more precise topic vocabulary and natural collocations, while avoiding repetition; this would make your argument clearer and more academically appropriate.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 5.5

You attempt both simple and more complex sentence forms, including conditional structures such as “if the person becomes rich…” and clauses explaining possible outcomes. Most of the message remains understandable, but some grammatical errors and punctuation problems reduce accuracy. For example, “One of the most important thing” needs plural agreement (“things”), and “they will be able to afford the food, shelter and can help children” has an unclear parallel structure. The sentence “Which would show that they have a helpful nature” is a fragment, while “children and their future generation can afford education” needs clearer sentence construction. Review agreement, parallel phrasing, and sentence boundaries, and proofread spacing after punctuation to improve control.

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