Band 4.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 4.5 · Cambridge IELTS 11 · 2026-10-28

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

Some say that the most important thing about being rich is that one has the opportunity to help others. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

 

Student answer (Band 4.5)

We discuss about some people thing most important thing about being a rich person is that one has the opportunity to help a poor people. Opportunity to help poor person is very good decision, but face many problems.

Yes, I agree this decision. I will saw a poor man has a big dream as a business man, But shotage of money he cant start there business. He gave a lone to the bank and start there own business, after a long time he will be sucess there business. He work hard daily to take time there business, at least he achive a goel, and sucess in his life. Now a day he will open a hospital in our village for poor people, and gave medisons free of cast.

Thats person says the most important thing about being a rich person has opportunity to help poor people. Now a day he will suceed in his life and help poor people.He gave me some advices and money to start my own business. Most impotant advice is work hard and take time daily to our business, one day you should sucess in our lifem and has the opportunity to help each other.

Some rich person cant to help others, because they forget there past. They cant like to saw a poor peoples thats a very bad habit, so we cant forget our past. Helping other is a very good thing, like gave some money for new business stater. Our religion gave many advices about to help each other.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 5.0

You take a position in favour of the idea, and the example of a successful person opening a hospital and providing free medicine is relevant to helping others. However, the response only partially develops the question: it focuses on one imagined person’s story and does not explain clearly why helping others is the most important benefit of wealth, or consider other possible benefits. The opening also mentions “many problems” but does not explain them, leaving your position less fully established. The response contains 247 words, so it is three words below the 250-word minimum; the eight words copied from the task prompt are not counted. Develop your central reason and explain how your example supports it.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 4.5

There is a basic sequence: you state agreement, give an example, and then add a point about wealthy people who do not help. Paragraph breaks provide some organisation. However, progression is difficult to follow because the example shifts between past, present and future, and several ideas are repeated, such as helping poor people and succeeding in life. Linking phrases such as “Now a day” are used repeatedly and do not always show the relationship between ideas. The final paragraph introduces religion without connecting it clearly to your main argument. Use one paragraph for your position and reasons, another for a developed example, and a conclusion that directly answers the question; use clear references and varied links between points.

Lexical Resource: Band 4.5

You use some relevant vocabulary, including “opportunity,” “business,” “hospital,” and “free of cost,” so the general topic is understandable. However, the range is limited and several phrases are inaccurate or repetitive, which sometimes makes the meaning difficult to follow. Examples include “a poor people,” “gave a lone to the bank,” and “help each other” where you mean helping people in need. There are also frequent spelling errors, such as “shotage,” “sucess,” “achive,” and “medisons.” Build a more precise set of topic vocabulary and check spelling and collocations carefully. For instance, describe someone as “financially successful” and say they “provide free medical care” rather than relying on repeated forms of “help.”

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 4.5

You attempt both simple statements and longer sentences, including a sequence describing how someone starts a business and later opens a hospital. However, the range is limited, and errors in sentence structure and verb forms are frequent enough to make parts difficult to understand. For example, “I will saw a poor man” uses an incorrect verb form, while “He work hard daily” has subject–verb disagreement. In “he cant start there business,” the pronoun and possessive form are not controlled, and several sentences run together without clear punctuation. Practise accurate past-tense narration and basic sentence boundaries first, then add subordinate clauses. For example: “He worked hard, became successful, and opened a hospital that offered free treatment.”

See this exact question answered at other band scores. The same prompt compared across bands.

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