Band 5.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 5.5 · Cambridge IELTS 11 · 2026-10-29

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

Some say that the most important thing about being rich is that one has the opportunity to help others. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

 

Student answer (Band 5.5)

In the modern era, some people believes that the most important factor of becoming a rich person is that who has the opportunity to help others. From my observation and experience of daily life, I believe that there are three main thing are important istead of just helps to others and these are as follows such as hard work, decipline and positive attitide and I strongly disagree to the given statement.

First of all, a successful person made plently of decisions against to other people, he always ready for hard work insteasd of making excues as well but I am not saying that we do not need to help others but help will not you make a rich person. In other words, hard work wirth aim will make you rich and successful person instead of just getting the opportunity to help other, practically helps to each others is a good habit but it is not s guruntee to becoming a rich person. For example, my friend asim is very rich and successfull doctor in his own field but he started his journey with school and did hard work for his aim and then he became doctor, now he can help to others.

Second of all, we should do help to others on the right time if we are successfull then we can help other people. In another words, first we have to focus on our success and become a rish person istead of doing help to other people and in this time you will waste your time and success as well. For instance, my friend help to other when he started his journey for his aim, then he will loss his destination and cannot became a rich person but he works hard in his own time and now he can help to others.

In conclusion, I strongly disagree with the given statement beacuse only one thing like help to others cannot make you a rich person. I believe that hardwork for a specific aim will make you rich and successful person.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 5.5

Your position is clear: you strongly disagree that helping others is the most important aspect of being rich, and you argue that hard work, discipline and a positive attitude matter more. The examples about your doctor friend and the person who prioritised his goal are relevant to this view. However, the response only partly addresses the question because it focuses mainly on how people become rich, rather than examining whether the opportunity to help others is the most important benefit of being rich. The claims that helping others can waste time or prevent success are also asserted rather than convincingly explained. Develop the distinction between becoming rich and the value of wealth once acquired, and support each main reason with clearer explanation.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 6.0

The essay has a recognisable structure, with an introduction, two body paragraphs and a conclusion. Sequencing phrases such as “First of all,” “Second of all” and “In conclusion” make the stages easy to identify, and the examples are placed alongside the relevant points. However, progression is sometimes mechanical, and the second body paragraph largely repeats the idea that people should focus on success before helping others. Some links are unclear: “In another words” introduces a restatement, while the example beginning “For instance, my friend help to other…” is difficult to follow and does not clearly connect its events to the claim. Use fewer formulaic transitions and make each paragraph develop a distinct reason, with clearer references between claims and examples.

Lexical Resource: Band 5.0

You use a small range of topic-relevant vocabulary, including “hard work,” “successful,” “aim” and “opportunity,” which allows the main argument to be understood. There are also attempts to express ideas such as “a successful person” and “a specific aim.” However, vocabulary is limited and repetitive, especially the repeated use of “help,” “rich” and “hard work.” Several inaccurate word choices or collocations make the message less natural, for example “help will not you make a rich person,” “against to other people” and “a good habit.” Spelling errors such as “decipline,” “attitide” and “guruntee” are noticeable. Build a wider range of accurate expressions for wealth, achievement and charitable support, and check spelling and collocations carefully.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 5.0

You attempt both simple and longer sentences, and the essay uses some subordinate clauses, including “if we are successful” and “when he started his journey.” However, complex sentences are often faulty, and errors in agreement, verb forms, articles and sentence construction occur frequently enough to make parts difficult to read. For example, “some people believes” has incorrect subject–verb agreement, while “my friend help to other” and “then he will loss his destination” contain problems with verb forms and clause structure. The opening sentence, “the most important factor … is that who has the opportunity,” is also not grammatically well formed. Practise building accurate sentences around one main clause, then add subordinate clauses only when their structure is secure.

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