Band 5.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 5.5 · Cambridge IELTS 11 · 2026-10-29

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

Some say that the most important thing about being rich is that one has the opportunity to help others. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

 

Student answer (Band 5.5)

Many people believe that wealthy people have chance to help other people who was in need. I strongly believe that because it will also help them to get more rich and the people who are needed the help also get inspired from wealthy peoples. This essay will discuss in detailed in following paragraphs.

One of the main reason is that by by supporting others rich people also get the platform to promote themselves to world. For example, one businessmen is searching for the opportunity for expansion of there business in another city but due to limited contact he was not able establish at that time if he helps the needy in that particular city he will able to connect the people who will help him to expand his business. As a result, he also helped the needy people and also got connections for his business.

Furthermore, people who got helps from affluent people also want to become like them. For instance, if any rich person donates his money to any school who is in need by personally visiting that place, he should share his experience to the youngsters so they will get encourage by them and in future they will also get rich. Consequently, the school also got a help and the students who studying their also got some motivation to became rich.

In conclusion, I strongly believe that wealthy people have option to helps needy ones by sharing their experience as well as encouraging them to become rich with this they will also get one platform to expand their business.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 5.5

Your position is clear: you strongly agree that helping others is important for wealthy people. You give two relevant reasons—supporting others can create business connections, and charitable actions can motivate young people—and include examples for both. However, the response only partly addresses the central idea of whether helping others is the most important aspect of being rich. The first example focuses heavily on how charity benefits the donor’s business, while the second mainly explains how students may be inspired to become wealthy. Develop the value of helping others in its own right, and explain why this matters more than other possible benefits of wealth. A more direct, fully explained argument would make your response more convincing.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 6.0

The essay has a clear overall structure: an introduction, two body paragraphs presenting separate reasons, and a conclusion that restates your position. Sequencing phrases such as “Furthermore,” “For instance,” and “In conclusion” help readers follow the main stages. However, some connections are mechanical or unclear. In the first body paragraph, the long example moves from business expansion to helping people and then to gaining contacts without clearly explaining the relationship between these points. References such as “them” in “they will get encourage by them” are also difficult to follow. Use shorter, more clearly linked sentences and make pronoun references explicit. This would strengthen progression within paragraphs while preserving the effective overall organisation.

Lexical Resource: Band 5.5

You use some topic-appropriate vocabulary, including “wealthy,” “affluent,” “donates,” “needy,” and “expand his business,” and the reader can generally understand your ideas. There is also an attempt to vary wording rather than repeat “rich people” throughout. However, the range is limited and several word choices or combinations are inaccurate, which sometimes makes the meaning less natural: “got helps,” “get more rich,” and “one platform to expand their business” are examples. Some expressions are also repeated, particularly “help” and “rich.” Build a wider set of accurate phrases for charitable giving, community support, and the benefits of wealth, and check that words combine naturally. More precise collocations would make your argument clearer and more fluent.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 5.0

You attempt both simple and complex sentences, including conditional structures such as “if he helps the needy … he will able to connect the people” and a result clause beginning “As a result.” This shows an effort to express relationships between ideas. However, complex sentences are often faulty, and errors in agreement, verb forms, articles, and sentence construction occur frequently enough to make some parts difficult to read. For example, “people who was in need” has an agreement error, while “he will able to connect” is missing a verb form. The sentence beginning “For instance, if any rich person donates…” also becomes difficult to control as it continues. Practise accurate subject–verb agreement and complete verb phrases, and divide long examples into shorter sentences.

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