Band 5.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 5.5 · Cambridge IELTS 15 · 2026-11-05

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

Student answer (Band 5.5)

These days,it is generally believed that kids can get anything they wanted if they focus on the same things and give it their best.This can have both advantages nad disadvantages.In my analysis,i found out that there are more disadvantages to it than adavnatges.In this essay,i will try to decipt both postive and negative aspect of telling child to try hard enough.

To begin with,there are several merits of it.If the children are ask to focus on one thing and do everything to achieve it.There will be high possibility of the kid that he\she will end up getting the task done sooner or later.For example:Childrens are like soft clay when potters provide enogh attention to it.The ramification comes out beautiful.It is the same with kids as well.If they are taught from very samll age they will ace the skill up eventually.

In contrast,while there are merits it is sure to have a demerits as well.When children are told to try hard for future.It might affect the childs mental health servely.As a illustration,when childrens are given some work to do they tend to complete it because they were told to so it might build up pressure inside them which they might not be able to cope up.

To sum up everything that has been stated so far,I would sttae that telling childrens to work hard to achieve some goals has both advantages and disadvantages to it.Thus,there are several factor to determine whether pressurzing childrens to do better for future has it negative as well as postive impact on them.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 5.5

You address both advantages and disadvantages and state a position in the introduction: “there are more disadvantages to it than advantages.” The discussion of possible achievement and pressure on children is relevant, and the clay comparison offers an attempt to illustrate how early encouragement can build a skill. However, the ideas are only partly developed. The benefit is explained mainly as completing a task, without clarifying how the message helps children beyond persistence; the disadvantage focuses on pressure but does not explain when or why this message may create unrealistic expectations or disappointment. The conclusion repeats the two-sided view but does not clearly reinforce your stated judgement. Develop each point with a specific explanation or example and keep your position consistent.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 6.0

The response has a recognisable overall structure: an introduction, one paragraph for benefits, one for drawbacks, and a conclusion. Transitions such as “To begin with,” “In contrast,” and “To sum up” help signal the direction of the essay. However, progression within paragraphs is sometimes unclear. For example, the clay analogy is followed by “They will ace the skill up eventually,” but the connection between the comparison and the claimed outcome needs clearer explanation. The opening of the second body paragraph, “while there are merits it is sure to have a demerits,” is also awkward and repetitive. Use clearer topic sentences, develop one main idea at a time, and make pronoun references explicit so readers can follow who or what “it” refers to.

Lexical Resource: Band 5.0

You use some relevant vocabulary for the topic, including “achieve,” “mental health,” “pressure,” and “cope,” and the comparison with “soft clay” shows an attempt to express an idea vividly. However, the range is limited and several word choices or forms are inaccurate, sometimes making the meaning difficult to follow. Examples include “focus on the same things,” “the ramification comes out beautiful,” and “ace the skill up eventually.” There are also noticeable spelling errors, such as “adavnatges,” “decipt,” and “servely.” Aim for precise, natural collocations and check spelling carefully. For instance, describe children as developing a skill or feeling overwhelmed, rather than relying on unclear phrases.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 5.0

You attempt both simple and more complex sentence forms, including conditional phrasing such as “If the children are ask to focus…” and a contrastive opening with “while.” However, complex structures are often faulty, and errors occur frequently enough to make some sentences difficult to interpret. For example, “If the children are ask…” is an incomplete conditional sentence and uses the wrong verb form; “the childs mental health” has an incorrect possessive form; and “they were told to so” is grammatically incomplete. Sentence boundaries and punctuation also need attention, as in “If the children are ask… There will be high possibility…”. Practise complete clauses, subject–verb agreement, articles, and possessives, then proofread each sentence for a clear subject and verb.

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